The plane was making

The plane was making



The plane was making its descent down. My hands were shaking, and I felt a bottomless pit in my stomach. My knees did not seem to want to calm down. I was jittery to say the least. This was not my first plane flight and I was not scared of flying. It was the first flight where she was waiting for me somewhere down in that airport.

I have not seen her in a while. How should I act when I see her? I do not know what kind of expression I should make. I do not know what I should feel when I see her. I do not know what she is feeling nor what she will think of me. I do not know what will become of us in the future nor what will happen in the next few minutes. My mind is filled with questions without answers.

As the plane landed, I proceeded my way through the gates. She was there at the lobby but she did not see me yet. She looked amazing, more beautiful than I remembered her to be. I smiled and waved at her. As she looked straight at me, her face lit up with a smile. An expression of joy and happiness as she ran towards me. I opened my arms instinctively. She jumped into my arms and into my body.

 

She had been waiting for 1 hour. She knew the plane was going to be delayed but that information made her even more nervous as she kept looking at her watch every minute. She had not seen him in a while. As new passengers were getting out of the terminals, she turned her head and she saw him waving and smiling at her. He was as handsome as she remembered him to be. She ran towards him without thinking as if her body moved on its own. She jumped into his arms and everything felt good and well.

She buried her face on his shoulder as he held her tightly. She missed him so much that no words could express it. She could not think, all she knew was that she needed him. She needed him so much. Tears of happiness fell from her eyes. She needed his smile, she needed his arms, she needed his body and she needed his presence. She always knew that both of them will be together and that both of them will always find a way to be with each other.

 

I let her down gently. I saw that she was crying. I put my hand on her cheek and said, “lift your head, and baby don’t be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way. You’ll get by with a smile. You can’t win at everything but you can try….”

“Lift your head, and baby don’t be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way. You’ll get by with a smile. You can’t win at everything but you can try….”

She unravels the most masculine instincts

She unravels the most masculine instincts



She unravels the most masculine instincts within me. A simple look, a simple touch, or a simple kiss and she brings forth a storm inside me. A pure force of desire, unrestricted, unhindered, consuming my mind and all my thoughts. A violent obsession to have her, as this thought proliferates through out my mind, impacting my senses and controlling all of my actions. I sense a growl inside me as if a caged animal lurks within. I want her now. I do not want to make love to her. I want to mark her like an animal marks his territory. Imprint my mark inside her mind, on her soul and onto her body so that she will know that she is mine. To kiss her from the back of her neck and move gradually down her spine. To forcefully grab her hands so she will know the strength of a man. To touch her lips and bite her skin. To do whatever I want in the most gentle, intricate and forceful of ways she could think of. So she will realize that she is free and yet my prisoner; a captive of her own will.

There are so many places I want to

There are so many places I want to

There are so many places I want to visit. There are so many mountains I want to hike, so many horizons I want to take a picture of, so many oceans I want to swim in, so many restaurants I want to dine in, so many music I want to listen to and so many beautiful arts and man made creations that I want to see. If there is a heaven on earth, I would love to see it too.

But my heart will never be far away from you. Our love will always will be in my mind. Your lips are the only lips that I want to kiss. My life will be empty without you in it. It is because I love you and I know no other way. I want you to always walk beside me. I want to take care of you always. I want to be in love with you always. If I have to go through hell to hold your hand, I will gladly do it. It is because heaven without you in it is not heaven at all. It will be an empty place, and I will be empty as well without your smile that I love so much.

There was something beautiful

There was something beautiful

There was something beautiful about the two of us. I loved her. She loved me too. She had so many dreams- she wanted to do this, she wanted to visit this place, she wanted to learn this, she wanted to go to this school and so on. Her eyes always sparkled when she talked about the world. She could talk about her desires for hours and I could stare at her forever. There was something about me that wanted to give her all those dreams. I wanted to slay dragons for her, catch the moon, grab the stars and give them all to her on a silver platter. All I wanted in return was to kiss her lips and see her smile always. It is because I loved her. It is because she loved me too.

But our love was not meant to last. I wish her all the best still. I wish for her happiness even though we are not together anymore. I wish that someone would hold her the way I held her. Someone would touch her cheeks and kiss her lips the way I would do it. Someone would keep her safe, the way I made her feel safe. Someone would make her smile, the way I would make her smile. Someone would love her, the way I would have loved her. Maybe even more than I had given her or could have given her. It is because I loved her. It is because she loved me too.

Filipino Concert A Long Time Ago

Filipino Concert A Long Time Ago

This is the filipino concert I attended a long time ago with a few friends of mine. I haven’t seen my friends in a while but they are cool people. Very down to earth and you will have a good time if you know them. A friend of mine knows this Filipino Rapper called Gloc 9. I used to listen to some of his songs. When I was a kid, I listened to Parokya ni Edgar, Siakol and Eraser Heads. These are the songs I grew up with. It was nice that I got to listen to them live. We had a good seat which is at the side because my friend went to school with Gloc 9. I did not have backstage pass though but it was good. I am still chubby here. I am actually a little bit chubby now lol. I’m enjoying my muscles hahahaha but I need to lose weight soon. Anyway, it was a good concert.

The next song is called Halaga. The other one is about drugs lol. I was jumping a lot on that one. It was a good concert. You probably have to be Filipino to appreciate this concert though. I need to attend more concerts. I am missing out on the good times lol. I have lots of time this year so I’ll make the most of my time 🙂

You should not fall in love with me

You should not fall in love with me

You should not fall in love with me.

It is true, you will be falling in love with a person who will give you good morning kisses, good morning cuddles, and a man whose eyes smile when he is with you. I will hold you as if we belong together, as if we are both naked, where there is only truth and no lies, where there is only love and no pain. Moments where you will feel at home… where you will feel at home, not in a some place. Moments where you will feel at home when you are with me. Where I will hold you at some random point in time or some random situation to tell you I miss you. Where you know that I will always have your back or I will always will be looking out for you. Where you know that someone out there is always thinking of you, always thinking of your well being, always wanting for you to be safe, and always wanting to take care of you.

But you should not fall in love with me.

At some point in time, I will leave. I will be gone. I will take my presence with me and everything I offered will be no more. You will be alone. You will be empty. You will have to wake up every morning alone again. No more kisses, no more hugs, no more smiles. Just empty rooms and broken promises. You will have to face the world alone again without me giving you strength to do so. There will be no explanation. No apology. Just goodbye. I will just leave you there while you are thinking what happened or what did you do wrong. There is no answer. None. Sometimes stories do not end with happily ever after. Sometimes stories end with pain. This is the kind of story I have. It is the kind of story that I can only offer which is me in the end saying goodbye.

 

So busy…

So busy…

I’m so busy. I’m preparing lol. Is it me or everyone in this whole world seems to be preparing also lol.

I want to try this new version of myself. I mean I want to do a new way of thinking, new way of doing things, and make money by playing more. This year I will hike more, write more and cook more. I will do more things that I love. Before it was 50/50. This year, it is going to be 80/20 or 90/10. Less work and more play. Enjoy my time more. I want to see how much stronger I can become with this path. So I am preparing. Just making sure I have a good safety net or that money is still moving along or improving.

Unfortunately, this is not good for my love life which is fine. I find that as long as I am enjoying my days like today, I can be happy being single all my life lol. Anyway, I think there is this amazing guy that women think I am going to become in the future. Unfortunately, the new path I am going to take means that the future amazing guy will be on hold. I will not be working to become that guy. I do not know when he will be available. But hopefully, I become something better. Like I said, I am just chilling with my love life. I am waiting for myself to be attracted or attached to someone. I am very busy but I still want to go on a date at least 2-3 times a month. I am missing a lot of good movies and I have a couple of restaurants I want to go to.

Leap Without Looking

Leap Without Looking

I got responses from the last topic. A little vague, and passive though. Where is the fun if you know where you are going to land? There is no fun in that. Where is the adventure in that? There is no fun in certainty. We have to tease fate sometimes. We have to play around with destiny. We have to believe in our future enough that it is going to be amazing no matter what. If I believe that my future is going to be amazing and I don’t even have a stable income, then I do not understand why people cannot do the same which is believe that their future is great or believe in themselves.

If you know you are amazing, you know your future is great, then what is there to fear? I realized that if I put my future in certainty, I am putting my future in a box. After a lot of hard work, a lot of pain, a lot of time, when I get to that box, I am freaking dying to get out of there. In that box, I saw everything that I missed out on. When I tried to get out, it is freaking hard.

Look at the guys around you? Chasing you? Doing everything you want? That is called certainty. Look at me, I have uncertainty. Certainty is like mash potatoes without gravy. Uncertainty is like Korean drama. I offer Korean drama hahahaha. It is where the good stuff resides. All I am saying is that we have to have fun in everything we do. Leap without looking. Enjoy the wind beneath your wings. Just trust that it will be a wild, fun and amazing ride. When you leap, I do not have to catch you or save you. Just with that act, you saved yourself. If you don’t leap, that parachute or that wingsuit that you have, is not going to open up. I am pretty sure that deep down inside you all know this because time is a great teacher.

Anyway, I am just chilling with my love life. I am just being patient and observing what fate is going to give me.

It looks like I will have time

It looks like I will have time

It looks like I will have time this month to write. I am not sure how much free time I have. It turns out that I have one more for spirituality. This is about following your heart. I cannot sleep at night. I kept thinking of ideas about this and I kept thinking of my experiences. It is better to write it, get it done, so that I can sleep better.

When I said cute puppy eyes

When I said cute puppy eyes

My nephew and I have the same cute puppy eyes hahahaha

When I said cute puppy eyes, it was actually a joke from 3-4 years ago. I don’t know why I put it on the last post, I guess I just remembered it. At that time, I met these great men and women. They were fun to be with and helped me out. I had a strong case of social anxiety back then. It was rather hard to express myself. Anyway, I would often make these comments and I would get a response similar to “Awwwww”. Like “Awww that is nice.” I think they thought I was faking it or I am purposely doing it. Everyone I met from then on thought I’m purposely making statements that are sweet, nice, and pleasing. So people say I am doing the cute puppy eyes or something similar whenever I say something not ordinary. At that time, the way I talk was changing. At that time I realized how amazing I am, and how I meet people based on my needs.

When I was a kid, I had a good heart. I always view the world from a good point of view. I view it through understanding and that everyone is inherently good. As I hit my 20s and went into this rat race, the world or my surroundings changed. Everyone is in this rat race and everyone is trying to make money and everyone is trying to make it easier for themselves. Sometimes that means stepping on others, doing cunning and evil things and etc. It had the impression that if you are at the top, then you had all the money. When you have all the money then you can do anything and satisfy every carnal needs. Everyone has their own way of making money. Unfortunately, I was really bad at it. I don’t even know where to start. I started hating the world.

Everything changed when I heard Steve Jobs’ speech. It is like I got permission to believe in myself. When I started believing in myself, everything started changing. I realized I am amazing and I can make a lot of money on my own. I don’t need to get a job that I hate. So the kid that I used to be started merging with the adult. I was changing rapidly. My speech was changing rapidly also. When I talk, often times it comes from gratitude, appreciation and understanding. A lot of the negativity, filth and dirt that the world latched on to me was being cleansed. I realized, I do not need to play with people’s rules. I can make my own rules and live my own way. It is like listening and dancing at the rhythm of my own heart.

Last January, I met this monk. She was happy and very peaceful. It made me wonder, how can someone have so little and be so happy. I wanted to have that kind of inner peace or inner beauty. I discovered these guys/girls in youtube. They all seem so happy. They all looked like they smoked a lot of weed and have no care in the world hahahaha. Seriously, I wanted to know what these guys are smoking. How can that be? I was taught that everyone has problems, that we should not judge rich people because they have their own problems and they are most likely not happy. I am looking at these guys and girls and I sense a lot of peace and certainty coming out from them. I want that kind of inner beauty or inner peace. It is not a myth. It is real. People have it. People are enlightened. It is like they are from another planet.

I am pretty sure if I have the kind of certainty and peace that these guys have, I will not have this aura of happiness like they have. I looked into the mirror and asked myself, what would I become if I have that kind of peace and certainty. The answer is that I am going to become this fierce warrior. This courageous warrior that is not afraid of anything or anyone. I would be more like this lion, that is calm, cool and centered. But this lion, you can see in his eyes that he is powerful and not to be messed with.

Steve Jobs is correct. The dots do connect if I look at the past. Everything connects. This enlightenment made me shed a lot of external validation. Before I wanted to have a collection of cars but now that I think of it, it is going to give very little validation and a lot of work. I’m not really into cars. I still want to be rich though and have a lot of money. But a lot of the external validation that money brings like fame, people looking up to me, acknowledgement, and so on are gone. I realize that they are truly not what I wanted.

Anyway, I still want to be rich because I deserve to be rich but I am going to take the scenic route to get there. I am going to enjoy my life more, focus on the present, focus on the beauty, and etc. It is because I realized, all these rich people and people that do not have a lot of time to live, all they want to do is hike. The places that I am going to hike, I do not need a lot of money. Even if I have a lot of money right now, my life will not change much. So I may as well enjoy the present, smell the roses, and take a beautiful walk to my goals. If I look at it like this then I am so at peace, grounded, worthy, loved and whole. I feel that I am exactly where I need to be, exactly where I am supposed to be, exactly where I deserved to be and it is in this present moment which is very beautiful.

As for my love life, I think I will let fate handle it or I will let this song explain it. When it is time, then I am certain love will come into my life effortlessly. Maybe I will fall in love with a girl I used to know, maybe with a girl I hang out with or maybe a girl I have not met yet. I am going to let fate handle it and just trust my inner world. If I am happy, this girl is happy, and we want to share our happiness together then I am sure we will find each other even if we are separated by mountains, landscapes, circumstances, situations, dragons, wicked witch and so on.

 

-this is like an update of my life. I am trying to keep a diary of some sort of my thoughts so I can look back and see what I was thinking.

Top 10 Jobs I Want To Do

Top 10 Jobs I Want To Do

I was thinking what types of jobs I would do and if I have the skills to do them? I currently do not have the skills to do some of the jobs that I am going to list but I can see myself getting the required skills in a couple of years and performing well on these jobs.

 

10. National Park Ranger

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What kind of hiker does not want to be a park ranger? I get to hike, get to spend time in the outdoors, I get to rescue people, do some law enforcement, get government benefits. Plus I get to wear cool hats and nice uniform. It is one of the best jobs ever. Sounds adventurous, easy on some days, good pay, and I get to be in the outdoors. I don’t know if there is an age limit. When I applied to being an NYPD officer, I think the age limit is at 35. I think I was top 3 on the written test but did not show up to the physical assessment test. Park ranger most likely has an age limit also.

 

9. Wildlife Firefighter

One of the best jobs ever. I get to be a hero and I get to have a firefighter uniform. I will repeat that again, a FIREFIGHTER UNIFORM. You go costco or walmart wearing a firefighter uniform and all the ladies will be drooling. It is one of the sexiest uniforms and professions out there. You get a good adventurous job and your wife is going to think that you are so hot. All your neighbors are going to think that you are so hot hahahaha

 

8. Creating Youtube Videos

A friend of mine wanted to create youtube videos before. I do not know if he ever did but he liked the idea. I thought about it before also. If I will do it, I will make motivational videos, cooking videos, and something about art or writing. Maybe teach people how to speak Tagalog or something. Those were my ideas before.

 

7. Chef


I love to cook so I would start a restaurant business. Most likely some sort of Asian fusion restaurant. I don’t want to just make Filipino foods. I want to make a variety of foods, deserts and appetizers. It would be nice also since it can be a good place to hangout after a long hike. After I hike, I can go to my restaurant and have my employees serve me food. I will be the boss and I have employees lol.

 

6. Sara Underwood’s Crew

I talked about this before. Sara Underwood’s crew would not be a bad job. I get to travel the USA. I get to hike and I get to take half naked pictures. One of the best jobs I can think of.

 

5. Life Style Video

I talked about this guy before. He has a great job. He creates lifestyle videos. He most likely has a lot of projects on the side to make money. Traveling all over the world to make videos is kind of cool. It is nice. One of the best jobs ever. You can find this guy’s instagram here https://www.instagram.com/sashatikhomirov/?hl=en

 

4. Song Writer or Music Maker

Making songs or making music would be a great job. I would love it always. I would work with Ed Sheeran, create lyrics and songs with him, then I get royalty pay for each song. This is a great job. I do not mind learning a music instrument and joining an orchestra also. Playing in an orchestra would be amazing. Another great job that I want to do.

 

3. National Geographic Photographer or Film Maker

One of the coolest jobs ever would be to be part of the National Geographic as a film maker, camera guy, photographer, or even just a crew that carries equipment. I would be traveling to different parts of the world. Trying to capture elusive wild life animals while protecting myself from danger. Sounds so adventurous.

 

2. Novel Writer

I want to write novels so I see myself doing this in the near future. I get to be creative, I get to be famous, people are appreciating my creation, and I get to write. One of the best jobs ever.

 

1. What I Am Doing Now

It is no surprise that what I am doing now will be number 1. If there is something else I would be doing, then I would be doing that. If there is a job I would rather do then I would work myself to getting the skills for that particular job. Fortunately, hiking, cooking, travel, meeting new people, writing, photography, working out and self-improvement are part of my job since I get to make money through affiliates. I do not make a lot of money but I make enough. Hopefully, in the future, I will make more. I was looking at what other hikers are doing. Some of them are old, some are terminally ill, and some are rich. All of them have one thing in common and that is that they want to spend their time hiking or being with nature. If I had the same situation as them, I would do what I am doing now which are the things that I love to do like hiking, cooking, travel, meeting new people, writing, photography, working out and self-improvement. Barely anything will change. If I am rich, I would most likely have easier time budgeting my money though lol

 

Anyway, I will end this at this paragraph. Spirituality and Enlightenment are very complicated but it is actually easy if I follow masculine energy which is purpose, goals, and just being badass. I just look at Keeanu Reeves, Denzel Washington, James Bond, and so on then I will know what masculine energy is and that I have lots of it because I am a badass hahaha. Masculine energy has lots of good stuff like strong male role model, strong father figure, safety, born leader, and so on. Although when people think of me, I do not believe they will picture John Wick or James Bond. I blame it all on my cute puppy eyes. So if I look at my pics here and here, I look too cute to be a badass. Those cute puppy eyes are making me look bad hahahaha. Ok I am just having fun and playing around lol hahaha

 

 

All About Spirituality

All About Spirituality

I wrote this article about Letting Go Of Attachments. I will proof read it, and check for errors in the future when I have time.

Last post about Spirtuality for now. I keep having thoughts about this topic so I decided to write it. I have a lot of things to write and proof read. I should finish one project before going to the next. So I will finish one project first then write more articles concerning spirituality.