I was in Peter Luger. I was not expecting to be back here. I did not like the steak when I first went here and this place has always been expensive. It is like $150 to $200 for two people. The good news was that I did not have to pay lol. I was treated to this place. For some reason, the steak was a lot better this time. Someday, my diet will be more organic, and be more vegetarian. In order to continue my enlightenment path, changes in my diet needs to happen. As long as I am working out and building muscles, there is no point. It is easier to stick with meat. Maybe someday in the future. But for now, going to enjoy meat while I can.
Been working a lot. No plans to do anything other than work. Work till I make a lot. I am going to finish this then go with other goals and desires. This will most likely take a while, maybe months or maybe a year but I will get it done. No writing for a long time. Listen to Chainsmokers for the moment.
Also, I am not gay or bisexual. I am not physically attracted to men. I am flattered though. I am meeting a lot of gay guys lately and they are getting attracted to me for some reason. I did have a vision though when I was meditating. I was this gay guy and I kept getting beat up for being gay. I hated myself and my life. The vision ended rather quickly. At the end, I don’t know why I hate myself or my life. I think I was suppose to learn acceptance. I think if I was gay, I will try to be the most amazing gay guy ever lol.
Anyway, I am fixing this website. Making it more like a travel blog. Lots of work. Cya all next time.
PS: Also, the guy who wrote this song stole my mattress. He has not given it back. What kind of a person steals a mattress? Well he is rich now, so hopefully he can send it back.
New logo of this website. The favicon needs work though. It is not very clear.
I have not done any update in a while so here it is. I like this video. The song has no meaning but the video carried it. It is very sexy and edgy in a very sophisticated, elegant and sexy kind of way. The dance is very good. I am definitely going to learn how to dance. I am going for Argentine Tango like this one from dancing of the stars. I can only learn sexy things. It is hard for me to learn anything that is not sexy lol. I need to free up some time though. The good news is that my workout is almost done. I like the way my body looks but I still want to finish my goals for it. I said, I have to bench press 205, dumbels at 50, and etc. But I am happy already with my body, I just don’t want to quit in the middle. Once I free up some time, I will learn how to Tango.
I was watching Ruler Of The Mask. It is a korean drama. Anyway, loved that second girl character. She definitely out shined the leading girl in the story. I like her traits. Most kdrama ends with the secondary girl backstabbing the leading girl but in this story she did not. She just expressed her love for the main actor sincerely and without boundaries. I so have that second female lead syndrome lol where I wanted her to end up with the leading guy but knew it will not be possible. It reminded me of how I fall in love lol. Without holding back, very sincerely and passionately. Although I cannot be like her though. I am more like Uther Pendragon. Or want to be more like him, someone people can rely on, conquers fear, and puts hope into despair or something like that lol. I have to stand up better, improve my posture, and walk like a King lol which is why Tango is good for me.
My hair cutting skills are improving. Okay, maybe not lol. The back of the head is very hard. I don’t know how to do it. I will try this kind of hair next time. It is called disconnected haircut or something. The back looks easier than what I have been doing. I have to let my hair grow more though but this looks good.
What else can I say? Lots of work. Been working a lot and been finishing a lot of stuff. I don’t have time to write at the moment but I will have more time soon.
Eating food with my brothers and sisters.
It turns out, I do not need anything. I thought I need a new camera and lens which will cost $5,000. I have to buy a computer which cost $2000 so that I can edit the photos. Anyway, it turns out, I am exporting my photos under 60% quality. I also did not click on the option for extra sharpness for computers. Now that I clicked on these settings, the photos are a lot sharper and they have more detail. I do not need anything at the moment to accomplish my goals. Some of the detail gets lost though. Around 5%, I think. So the detail is around 95% compared to the original picture. I am not sure how to get the extra 5% though.
I have to reduce the size or dimensions though because wordpress resizes or compresses the pictures very very badly lol. It is actually better for me because the pictures are now 1-2 mb instead of 20mb lol. They save a lot of space.
I want to be able to hike in the winter though in Adirondacks. I have to train my legs especially my calves then find people who will join me or I can join another group. I’ll try to find new people next year.
I have not written anything in a while. Been busy. I have to delete a lot of the personal and enlightenment posts in this website, maybe on the end of December. Going to make it more like a travel blog or hiking blog.
Anyway, I saw a bear last hike. Fate is on a roll. I think it all started with the cows in Wawayanda. Fate allowed us to play with those cows or take pictures with them. Sam’s point was nice and I already talked about that. Mohonk had some new things going on too on the weekend that we went there. They had musicians in the huts and in the skytop tower. They had opera singers and violins and everything. If you do not want to hike, you can just look at the views while listening to classical music. It was nice.
So in this hike, we saw a bear. We were at the right time and at the right place to see this bear. We most likely only had 3 minutes of a window to see him. A lot of things had to happen. My hiking members had to go to the bathroom so they went to the store first. There was no way to go across the bridge so we just went back. Some got lost on the bridge which was probably my fault because I didn’t wait for them. I didn’t know they were taking pictures. The hike started late. We had to have lunch at the pond instead of the view point. At the lunch spot, I had to go to the bathroom. So I was looking for one. I headed in the direction of the bear. The hiking members were most likely looking at me and thinking where was I going. While they were looking at me, they saw the bear.
They screamed at me to say that there was a bear. A bear could kill people. When I saw the bear, my reaction was to take out my camera and go near it. Probably not what my members were expecting me to do. I was going near it very slowly so that it will not get startled and attack me. Some of the hiking members had a different idea. They ran after the bear. They zoomed past me. I had to ran after them just to make sure nothing bad happens. The bear was very startled and afraid of us. So we chased it lol. We took pictures. It went back to the forest though.
Anyway, a lot of things happened just so we can be at the right place and right time to see this bear lol. The people who took pictures of the bear were very happy and they have this high on their demeanor. I cannot explain it but they were happy. Others were happy too because we got pictures of the bear. It was a great hike, lots of fun and we all had a good time.
Fate can move mountains and can bring people hundreds of miles away to my life.
I have taken a lot of people in this hike and I have been here a couple of times already. I have never done this rock though. I most likely would never have done it but this girl from Connecticut joined my hike. She just went straight to this rock. She just sat on the rock and it looked great. No one wanted to climb this rock formation. I did not want to climb it because it looked boring. The girl went straight for the rock that is protruding. When we saw what she did, it looked great on the pictures. We all started trying to climb this rock formation. We all sat on the rock and we all took pictures. It was cool. The girl was supposed to go back to Connecticut on the next day but her friend convinced her to join the hike. She joined the hike and she enjoyed it. I got really good pictures because of her. So fate can give me people that I need even though they are miles away from me. Isn’t that cool? Coincidence keeps happening in my life and they are all benefiting my life lol.
I think this is the last picture I need. I no longer need to do field work. I have to do the whole Adirondack next year so I have to train hard this winter. I need a sponsor or a company to sponsor my trips. I will try to find one next year but right now I need to work on my legs, I need to make money, and I need to start dating too.
You belong with the Autumn leaves dancing through the landscape. You belong with the afternoon sun whose touch is soft, kind, and gentle. You belong with the wind, always moving, always wild and always free. You belong with me, deep inside my arms, where I can love you and protect you for all of eternity.
The clouds drowned out the voice and words I wanted to say with their effervescent nature as they dyed the blue sky with their art just like a painter’s passionate emotion expressed on his own canvas. My appreciation for art was suddenly interrupted as the fierce mountain wind blew directly against me, straight from the unreachable silver horizon, shaking the multitude of trees, and scattering the white clouds hovering above me. Countless of leaves fell and flew right by my face, as the wind tried to push me backwards but I stood tall and proud, refusing to cower, refusing to be shaken, as this is my domain, and nothing can renounce me of it. There is beauty in the unpredictable sky, beauty in the tangled forest, and beauty everywhere I looked despite a few barren trees here and there. No one could convinced me otherwise.
I always believed that it takes a great deal of courage to love the world as a beautiful and majestic place despite all of its taint, imperfections and the vast number of people that live on it. The judgments, cruelty, and harsh words of others can be very hurtful. But I cannot allow myself to to be shackled by the thoughts of others. I cannot care for the criticism, approval, validation and gossip of other people for that is where judgment and separation comes from. I only want to know my own self-perceptions. Who I think I am from my own point of view is the only thought I care about. In a sense, no one can own my thoughts, no one can own my actions, I take full responsibility for my reality, thus I am the master of my own self, the master of my own world, and I find these words about myself and my life to be extremely gratifying.
I leaped from one stable rock to another, trying to avoid as much of the bushes, branches and thorns tugging at my pants. A spider web brushed off of my face, my heavy backpack got stuck in a low hanging branch, and I almost slipped at a moss covered stone; these are the prices I pay for going off trail because my mind wanders to far off places. I saw a light at the end of a tunnel of branches, twigs and leaves. I raised my left hand and pushed off all the obstacles in my path. A sharp pain emerged from my hand as the thorns hidden along the branches grazed my skin but in a single second, I made it to the clearing.
The soft light of the sun caressed my skin, my eyes sparkled in delight at what I saw, as I find myself speechless, unable to move for a second. I dropped my backpack as I felt my body slowly being pulled to the edge, I could not stop myself as my feet seemed to have a mind of their own. I sat on the ledge, unable to think, unable to grasp the beauty that was in front me, all I could do is admire, and be fascinated at how beautiful nature can be. I felt joy in my heart just by seeing the lush colorful trees that were in front of me.
But hidden within this moment were the same feelings and words I should have told you, “I was happy just by seeing you.” I was happy seeing you smile, and being the source of that smile. I was happy just by looking deep into your eyes. I was happy when I held your hand, kissed your lips, and for those countless of times you told me that you love me. I was happy when you brought me food because I was hungry, and when you tried to cheer me up because I was sad. I was happy just by spending time with you. I should have told you all of those things and more, then maybe we would still be together. But you are now with someone who loves you more than I ever did, appreciates you more than I ever did, and makes you happier than I ever did.
Hidden within this moment were feelings and words that are true, “I am happy.” I am happy for you that there is someone that loves you with all of his heart. So my heart is at peace knowing someone is beside you doing his best to see you smile. I am happy that he loves you the way I should have loved you. I know in my heart we will never again feel what we have felt before. But I know one day, I will love another, I will love her far more than I should have loved you, and in that same day, I know you will be happy for me, the same way I am happy for you.
I zipped my coat shut and held it tightly as the mountain wind violently rages through the valleys, skies, rivers, clouds, highways, and trees. The sun’s rays blasted through the holes of the ever changing clouds. Its bright light illuminated patches of the earth as far as my eyes could see. I witnessed first hand how unpredictable the weather could be as it was very cloudy and dim just moments ago. Yet on this place that I sit upon, I could only feel peace. The light which seemed so powerful was soft and gentle on my skin. Even the violent wind felt good on my body, replenishing it, and rejuvenating my mind, as if the wind was taking away all of my fatigue and exhaustion to a far off place that I will never find again.
I felt this sensation before from a time long ago, where the sun shone brightly, and no worries could be found in my heart.
The old picnic blanket had streaks of red, and white lines parallel to each other and crossing each other near the corners. The scent of sandwiches, rice, and fruits was forcing its way out of the handmade wooden basket in the corner. I held her close and gently along my arms, underneath a big oak tree. Her eyes were droopy as she was slowly falling asleep. She placed her head on my chest and her arms along my body as she tries to get as comfortable as she could. A gentle and kind wind passed us by as her eyes finally closed and she fell asleep. I kissed her forehead lovingly and in that moment I vowed that I will always protect her, I will always take care of her, and that nothing will ever harm her while I was around. It was the only way I knew how to express my love for her. To be a man she could rely on, someone she could trust, and someone that will always be there for her.
As I look at this beautiful view on this mountain top, I know full well that I could not keep my vow. But I also know that she deserves all the love that this world can offer and that someone else will come along and give her all the love that I couldn’t give her. In that sense, I am happy for both of us because somehow or in someway, we will both get the love and happiness that we both deserve.
I once heard from someone that danger is real but fear is a choice. Dangling on a cliff like this, and I can tell you that danger is real but at the same time, you cannot find any fear in my heart. I cannot fully comprehend this also but I somewhat have an idea why this is. This is still somewhat of a mystery to me as well. A couple of guys took a picture of me and one of them told me that I was courageous or fearless. But if you ask me if I am fearless, I will have to answer “no” to that. It took me roughly 10 years before I started following my heart. 10+ years of working on monotonous jobs that I hate, studying things I hate, doing things that I hate, and living day by day hating my life. I lived in fear everyday telling myself I am not good enough, not talented enough, not born with the right genes, not privilege enough, not worthy, too painful, too much work, not worth it, and so on. When there is fear, there is suffering so for 10+ years, I have been suffering everyday by trying to live small, trying to not stand out, and trying to let life pass me by.
It is funny what suffering can do to you especially when such suffering is self-inflicted. Pain, broken heart, disappointments, failure, judgment from others, and so on barely has any effect on me. I have been through worse. All these guys crying, or begging a girl to take them back because a girl dumped them, sacrificing their self-respect for approval or validation from a girl, being insecure of me because the girl they like wants to be with me, and so on, I wish I can force them go in the right direction so they can see that I am not a threat to them and the only person that can save them is themselves plus the only person that can get the girl is themselves. They are their greatest ally and their worst enemies. Blaming other people for the girl not falling in love with you is kind of stupid, don’t you think? But I recognize that their pain or suffering is self inflicted also. Such suffering must be respected so that someday they can grow into a more loving person.
Most of our fears live in our heads, they live in the prediction of the future, from societal conditioning, but fear cannot exist in the present moment. Whenever I am doing something dangerous, there is no fear in my heart because I am enjoying and loving the present moment way too much to think about what is going to happen in the future. Fear is only an illusion, thoughts that are not real, and predictions of the future that have big probabilities of not happening. The greatest mistakes I made in my life is living in fear, and creating excuses so that fear can thrive and control my life. So now I choose to have courage- courage to love, courage to be compassionate, courage to be free, courage to follow my heart, courage to be understanding, and courage to not hate. It is when I have the courage to conquer fear, that I was able to release the future into all of its possibilities, allowing myself to be free.
Sometimes I smile because I am happy. Sometimes I am happy when I hike. Sometimes I taste happiness by touching the cold stone I am sitting on, or when my legs are dangling on top of a cliff. Sometimes I taste happiness when my feet feels the softness of the soil, the hardiness of the stone, the sinking feeling of the mud, and sometimes I taste happiness with the sound of walking with other people. Sometimes I taste happiness when my eyes drool at the colors of the trees and sometimes I taste happiness when the cool breeze of the wind touches my skin.
There are moments when I taste happiness when I am with you. I taste happiness when I hold your hand, smell your hair, see your smile, and sometimes I taste happiness when I taste your lips. You have my heart eternally and for that I am your eternal friend, your eternal lover, and your eternal shoulder to cry on. I am your eternal source of joy when you need to smile, your eternal companion in times of sorrow, and my love is yours for all eternity.
Sometimes I taste happiness when I hike, but I am always happy whenever I am with you.
I walked on this old familiar road with a new sense of awe and wonder as the afternoon sun dispensed its yellowish rays to the ever changing colors of the trees around me. The shadows and light intermingle as the leaves dance to the rhythm of the wind. I felt a great sense of appreciation that I was a part of this hike that crossed over mountains, cliffs, waterfalls, forests and allowed others to create friendly connections.
Yet there was a part of me that wished that you would be at the end of this road. I was longing for a moment where I could see you smile, I could touch your hands, and kiss your lips again. It is sad that there are only memories left between you and me, where days passed me by without being able to touch you again. I know you miss me and I miss you too. We were two lovers swimming in an ocean full of love, yet here we are now, drowning in our own loneliness, longing for the past that we could never get back. Desperate to breath, desperate to swim ashore, desperate to get our lives back again. We both know that our love is like air, it is what we need to breath, it is what we need to live.
So I walked on this old familiar road wishing you would be at the end where I could see you smile, touch your hands and kiss your lips again.
The trees swayed back and forth along the song of the wind as my tired legs found relief, dangling along the edge of this white mountain. The wind carried the scent of Autumn, telling the trees to bloom and explode in vibrant colors. “I shouldn’t be here”, I thought to myself. My group just left, and I should be with them but in this moment, I was mesmerized by the trees that were in front of me. I could not move, I could not think, I could only do what was asked of me which was to fall in love with the world around me.
Fragments of my memory began to resurface… I held her hand, I touched her cheeks, and I told her “she should not fall in love with me”. I should not fall in love with her either. We were star-crossed lovers that should not hold hands, should not kiss, should not meet, and shouldn’t fall in love. But we already fell before the first touch, before the first words were spoken, and even before we were first introduced with each other. There was a time when I miss her right before I sleep at night, I miss her right before I was about to eat, I miss her everyday, in every moment, and in every scenario imaginable. We were in love for such a brief amount of time and yet the pain remained for what seemed like an eternity.
In our lifetime, there are things we shouldn’t do but we do them anyway. What can I do? I could not help myself. I was already in love way before I could stop myself.
There are so many things I can be grateful for and appreciate in this hike.
The first one is definitely the drivers. There was a lack of drivers. There were too many people that want to go to the hike and not enough drivers. I asked a couple of people if they could make it and a lot could not make it. Suddenly, in one day, a lot of drivers showed up. A friend of mine that I asked said he could go also. All of a sudden, there was an influx of drivers that there were a lot of open spots. There was an abundance of cars going to the hike.
The second one is the weather. The weather forecast was rain then cloudy. Really depressing weather. It will be hard to enjoy the hike, fall foliage colors, and scenery with gloomy weather. A couple of people messaged me that it is going to rain and some think that I should cancel or reschedule. I just joked around and said that they should expect blue sky and clouds for the hike. I said that I can control the weather and they should expect good weather. The weather turned out really perfect for the hike. It was drizzle with fog in the morning and blue skies around 1 PM. When we got to the viewpoints, it was sunny and a great way to enjoy the scenery.
When we started the hike, the drizzle stopped. But it was enough to create a waterfall. The waterfall was supposed to be dry, it was supposed to be hugging or clinging on to the rocks. We cannot even call it a waterfall because the season this year was very dry. It was flowing in the spring but waterfall tends to dry up in the fall. Since there was rain in the evening, and drizzle in the morning, we have waterfall in the hike. It wasn’t as good as it is in spring like maybe 20% but at least it still looks like a waterfall. People can actually see water falling down. Weather was really great for the waterfall. It is because there was waterfall, we were able to do a little bit of adventure and go to the bottom.
It was because it was cool, and cloudy in the morning that people did not become dehydrated in the middle of the hike. If the day was full sunny and clear, a lot of people would be very thirsty because it was hot. A lot of people enjoyed the hike because the weather was not hot. It was half cool and half hot. It was perfect.
According to one of my enlightenment teachers, the hurricanes, earthquakes and natural disasters are caused by negative emotions like anger, violence, and so on. If we want to change the weather to sunny and blue skies then we send it love and peace. When we send love and peace, positive emotions nullifies the chaos and negativity of the weather. I told the people in the hike to watch the song of the Beatles which is all we need is love. I thought it was worth a try. I don’t know if I believe my teacher but it was supposed to be rainy and cloudy then it turned into a great weather. I may try it again in the future. It cannot hurt lol
The one thing that I was really really grateful for and appreciate was the blueberry leaves. The leaves were at the peak of their colors. They were vibrant and alive. It was red, pinkish, and vibrantly alive. This peak only lasts for 3 or 4 days. I went to this hike on Tuesday again and the leaves look dry and dead already. So let us think about that for one second. Out of 365 days in a year, we were at the perfect time and perfect place for these blueberry leaves to be at their most beautiful state in colors. The leaves were still alive that they are not falling off the branches yet. What are the chances of really really beautiful red garden to walk on in a Saturday. It is like nature was showing off its beauty just for our hike. I try to appreciate these little things that happen in my life.
In enlightenment concepts, they say that if you live in your heart space, free of the ego, no superiority/inferiority then you will notice all these things. It is because your heart will be open. You will appreciate the world more. They call these coincidences or events, “synchronicity”. It is when you find that perfect parking the moment you arrive at your destination. Synchronicity is when everything falls into place, or when fate gives you a helping hand. Some people call these synchronizations, and some call them “miracles”.
Edit: There was this group of Asians in there too. They were twice the size of our group. Our group was big too, we had 28 people. So they most likely have 50+ or 60+ people. I was actually thinking it will be a problem because the trails were very small. I really don’t want our group to share the view points, lunch spot, and all the spots with 50+ people. It will be too cramped and it will not be fun. But luckily, the other Asian group went backwards. They did the hike in reverse. I don’t know why they did it like that but we were so lucky they did.
Looking at this landscape, it is astonishing how everything works well together. Shades of orange, red, pink, yellow and green could be found and yet they all work together to create something beautiful. The trees are very different too. Some are shaped in a cone, some are more triangular, some are too far to see and look like dots, and yet they all look well together. The mountains are very different too with their shapes, sizes and amount of colorful trees that they have. If I look above, the clouds dance in perfect harmony with the blue sky. All I could see is beauty. I do not judge, and I do not see ugliness even on the trees that no longer have leaves.
There are times when I want to find beauty in others the way I find beauty in nature. Everyone is different, everyone has their own goals, their own motives, their own minds and their own beliefs. I try to visualize everyone as mountains, trees, clouds, and so on. So I cannot say this tree is too thin, this mountain is too fat, this cloud is shaped the wrong way, and everyone I see is ugly. Everyone is trying to survive the winter, everyone is trying to change, trying to be happier and suffer less. I just hope I can accept enough about who I am, I can accept my flaws, that I can accept others as well and not judge them. I have come to realize that how well I treat myself is how well I will treat others. So everyday, I try to love my time, love my life, and love all of my weaknesses, so that one day, I have nothing but acceptance for others, and in that same day, I will have nothing but acceptance for myself.
I placed my left hand on a tiny outcrop, gripping it with all my might. The stone was hard, coarse, and hot due to the summer sun. Still, I dare not let go of it. It is true, I could be at home right now, drinking a cold beverage, watching the television, and enjoying the air conditioner. But I chose to be at this place, where I can feel the wind breathing life into me, the rocks that are tempting me to conquer, and where I could feel alive instead of watching my life pass me by. I placed my foot below the other, trying to step down all the way to the crevices, and there was no reward there other than satisfying my curiosity.
These were the days where I feel like I am living rather than day dreaming about what I am going to do with my life. Nature allowed me to step out of the ordinary, out of the routine, out of boredom, and into something amazing. For all those moments where I shed bits and pieces of my ego, shed my delusions of self-importance, where I plan my days to give and receive love, and for all the moments when nature has healed my soul, I am forever grateful.