As my foot eased down on the cold hard floor of my room, I looked around and there was no soul in sight as I prepare myself to go to bed. My eyes shifted around the room, my skin felt the stale air inside it while the white walls felt like they were closing in. However, on this night, I couldn’t care less. My body tired from working as I feel the ache in my muscles and bones. I turned off the lights and shadows flicker through the walls as the room was mostly engulfed in darkness. I reached my bed as I slid my hand to the surface. I felt the edge of my comforter and settled my body in. The soft warm fabric of my sheets felt good on the skin as I tucked myself to go to sleep. I closed my eyes and went to the edge between the boundary of reality and dreams where I saw her there with me. Before I knew it, a sudden surge of loneliness filled my chest and lungs. It was as if an ocean of darkness grabbed my chest and filled my lungs that I couldn’t breath; as if this darkness was slowly suffocating me.
I miss her so much.
There was a time when I would close my eyes and my lips would find her soft lips before I go to bed. It was mellow, gentle and kind with a shot of alcohol we had mixed in between. My fingers touched her cheeks gently, pulling her closer, until our bodies are glued to each other. I would become more insistent, more forceful, and my assertive hands would grab her waist, grip her neck, pull her, push her and as my fingers would be all over her body. The kiss was breathtaking, passionate, gentle and hard. Our tongues would always find a way to fall in love with each other. So in love that our eyes would not open. So in love that our veins would become hot with passion. So in love that we knew in that moment that we’ve been kissing the wrong people all our lives.