I was not planning on continuing the dating article for some time but I thought I made a couple of statements that could be very confusing. So this is about what happens when Step 1 is a failure. If no girl is making a connection or the girl you like does not make a connection to you.
Making A Connection To Her VS Asking Her Out
A lot of guys will send the girl that they like a signal just to see if she is interested. I don’t like this path. If you do this, and this works for you then good for you. Whatever works for you, do it. I do not judge anyone. This is not something I would do though. There are many reasons why and a lot of people may not agree with me which is fine. Whatever works for you, do it.
The women I fall for always makes a connection with me. This sounds arrogant lol and not what I meant. What I mean is that the women will be interested with me first before I become interested in them. So I never have this problem but I still know what I would do. In this case, the guy is interested in the girl first. What I would do is just ask the girl out. The first reason is that doing feminine roles is unattractive. Why not just ask her out, right? Fear is unattractive. If the guy likes a girl and he has fear of rejection then that is more reason that she will not be interested in the guy. A lot of beautiful women want a confident guy that knows how to treat a girl, how to be romantic, and so on. If you view her as someone above you, better you or you are not good enough then you will fear rejection. It says that you are not worthy of her and you are not worthy of love. Do you fear rejection from women you are not interested in? The answer is no. Treat all women the same. The reason why fear is unattractive is that your role is safety. If you cannot conquer your own fears, she will not feel safe to be with you. The second reason is that it is a circle. Even if she rejects me, I will still give her freedom to choose to me again. There is nothing to fear.
This is usually what is going to happen. I ask her out. She will reject me 100%. No matter what I do, she will reject me because I was not even in her radar. I will tell her that I like her and if she changes her mind then I would like to go out with her. So the ball is in her court. If she ever likes me in the future, she will make a connection. The benefit of this is that I acted like a man or I acted confident in who I am, and she will do some research to see who I am. I will be on her radar from that point on. If she changes her mind, she will make a connection. It goes back to the circle. I do not have to do anything anymore. Your one job, your only job is to ask her out. It never changes.
Since the ball is in her court, she can ask you out to hang out with her. When a girl asks you out, just say that you two should hang out inside your apartment, and tell her not to forget her birthday suit lol. I am just kidding. It depends on the girl on what you will say if she asks you out.
Giving Signals Puts You In A Backup
Sometimes if a girl really likes you a lot, she wouldn’t mind. She will give you signals also to encourage you to ask her out. You need to keep in mind that giving signals can also put you into backup or friendzone. This is the reason I do not give signals also. I will give signals only if I want to be a backup.
I Misinterpreted Her
If she does not like you at all and you misinterpreted her then it does not matter. You ask her out, you get rejected, accept it without judgment, give her freedom, then give yourself freedom. If she ever connects with you then ask her out again. It is a circle, no matter what. You still have only one job.
Why The Girl Is Not Making A Connection With You!
This has a lot to do with the number 1 rule which is loving yourself or building a great relationship with yourself. You do not need to quit your job. I did not mean to imply that when I said do your purpose. You can do your purpose after your job. After your work, treat yourself into doing something you love. The percentage of entrepreneurs in the USA is 14 percent. Not everyone is cut out to be an entrepreneur. When I started, it was very painful, lots of fears, I do not know when my next paycheck is coming and so on. You do not need to quit your job to have a purpose. If you look at things I love, it would be writing, photography and hiking. Those things make me happy. Helping people makes me happy too. Do things that you love, do things that make you feel good and hopefully you can share your purpose to the world.
So if women are not getting attracted to you, it has to do with how much you love yourself, how you love yourself everyday, and so on.
People Will Agree To Who You Believe To Be
This will always be true. If you believe that you do not deserve love, or you do not love yourself then people will agree with you. People can be compassionate to you, they may try to help you but in the end they will still agree with you that you are not getting any love because you believe that you do not deserve love. Now if this belief is one of your core beliefs, then you are screwed lol. You need to take this belief out of your system. This belief will show in your body language, in your speech, in your words, in your movements and so on. This is why the number 1 rule is to love yourself. If you love yourself, people will agree with you. If you love your body, love who you are, love the things that you do, love your hobbies then people will love those things about you too.
Life coaches, pick up artists, gurus and so on can help you out by giving you an advice that works well. You are basically mirroring what successful people are doing. However, these guys or people will not be able to remove your core beliefs. If you believe that you are not worthy of love, no matter how much help you get, you will still be lonely at the end.
Asking For Acceptance
When you have this core belief of “not good enough” then this will create fears and insecurities inside you. Telling the girl you like your insecurities is an act of fear. You are telling her your insecurities because you want to be accepted. You want her to accept you. The one thing you need to remind yourself is that she is not your psychiatrist or therapist. She is not yet your girlfriend and you are unloading all of your fears onto her. You maybe telling her that “you are broke”, your body insecurities, how powerless you are, and so on. These are insecurities that she does not care about. To her you are overthinking your fears, you are blowing them up, and so on. You are telling her these things because you are seeking for acceptance because you cannot accept these things about you. The only person that needs to accept these insecurities is you. It is YOU that needs to accept your insecurities and not her. When you accept your insecurities, she will accept them as well. You no longer need to tell her anything.
If you want to tell her your insecurities then do it when you two are in a relationship for 6 months or so. Not in the beginning and definitely not when you two have not started yet. The only time I tell women my insecurities is when I am pushing them away lol.
She Has A Non Negotiable Quality
She has a non-negotiable quality, what should I do. I said this in the last article, that non-negotiable qualities are made out of fear. Love can conquer fear. I need to clarify this because I am sure a few people will misinterpret this. So what do you need to do in order to remove that non-negotiable quality? What do you need to do to remove that fear? Love. What kind of love? How will you give that love?
So the answer is……. love yourself. It is the number 1 rule. It is the number 1 rule for a reason. The best way and fastest way I know of to remove a non-negotiable quality is to love yourself. Build a great relationship with yourself. Give yourself really good things. I said this in my anger post. Give yourself the best things in this life that you can ever think of. No amount of manipulation and trying to convince that person that you are worth loving will ever work. You cannot convince her to love you. She has to choose that path for herself. What is blocking that path is fear which she got from her experiences, judgment of others, her environment and so on. No matter how much you try to convince her that she will be happy for you, it will never work because she can see your fears as well. The more you try to control her “NO” into a “YES”, then the more this action will feed her fears which means the more she will separate herself from you. The only way for her to abandon that fear or that non negotiable quality is for you to love yourself. When you become her dream guy, her prince charming, then she has no choice but to abandon her fears and fall in love with you.
I will continue this discussion below in “The Amount Of Love You Can Give”
When You Go To The Deep End
The moment when you go to the deep end is the moment when you are causing lots of suffering to yourself, to people around you, annoying people around you, and maybe even scaring them. This happens when you cannot accept rejection, cannot accept yourself, do not love yourself and so on. The fears that you have will cause you to sacrifice your self respect, and sacrifice the love for yourself. When this happens, suffering starts to happen. You will cause suffering not only for yourself but for others as well.
There are many different kinds of toxic people. This is when the person sacrificed his love, life, and so on to others that he is suffering or hurting himself. When you are suffering, others around you will suffer as well. Some become a stalker, some bring others down, and so on. This is the person that has been living in fear all the time and he has been suffering all the time. He needs to bring others down to his level either unconsciously or consciously. What is worst is that their self worth is based on others’ perception and not theirs. So they hurt their friends, family, and so on.
You will get a label or a red flag. This red flag basically means that the girl you want will stay away from you. This red flag means that you are toxic. If anyone brings you into their lives, their lives will go down or the person who takes you into their life will suffer. A person who is 25+ years old will have lots of experiences dealing with these types of people. If they are looking for a lover, they will mark people as toxic. They will not let you into their life because you cause yourself suffering, you cause other people suffering, you cause your friends suffering, and you will cause your lover suffering.
Once the girl you like marks you with a red flag, it is over for you. It is really over. Game over!!!! The girl you like will even talk to others how messed up you are. This is how you know that it is over. This can happen to girls too. Guys can mark women with a red flag. There are lots of ways to get rid of toxic people in google, youtube and so on because this is very rampant. Lots of toxic people out there. They are suffering and the people around them suffer.
The only way to get rid of that red flag is to love yourself and stop the suffering.
The Spiral Of Fear And Suffering
The spiral of fear is rather simple to explain. You like a girl, you get rejected, you chase the girl, you get rejected, you chase some more, you get rejected some more, and it goes on and on and on. People cannot accept rejection because they agree with the person rejecting them. When you have this belief that you are not worthy of love, and a girl rejects you, this action by the girl completely agrees with your core belief that you are not worthy of love. She agrees with how you view yourself. The more she rejects you, the more she agrees to what you see in yourself which is that you do not love yourself. The more she rejects you, the more you agree with her because this is your core belief. So it is a spiral of rejection. The fear, suffering and pain keeps feeding itself over and over. It keeps going and going until the girl has had enough of you. This can go on for years.
The Choice Of Suffering
I know a guy, he has been chasing a girl for 3-4 years. The girl had multiple boyfriends already. He is still lonely. Ask yourself, how long have you been chasing the girl? How long have you been suffering? How long before you wake up and learn that whatever you are doing does not work? This guy thinks that getting new clothes, getting a new car, getting more muscles, and getting more material things will make him more attractive. These things will make most guys attractive but if you have this core belief and you do not love yourself, then no amount of change outside will give you the love that you want. It is inside that you need to change first. Whatever is inside you, becomes your reality. Whatever you are doing by changing the outside is not working. Men need to realize that.
How many more years are you going to spend wasting away until you realize that changing the outside does not work? How many more years of suffering? How many more years of fear and of doing the same thing over and over? How many more times are you going to hurt yourself? A lot of people choose the path of suffering. Can you believe that? Are you choosing the path of suffering? Have you done it for years? Imagine if you spent all your effort and time loving yourself, the girl that you like would have fallen in love with you already. You had to spend so many years in the path of fear and suffer. Why did you choose that path? You should ask yourself that and if you choose to love yourself, you could find more beautiful women with better qualities that will fall for you and love you the way you want.
The Amount Of Love You Can Give – You Two Are Connected
The amount of love you can give is directly proportionate to the amount of love you give to yourself. Think about this for a second. If this girl is your girlfriend, how you will give her love today, tomorrow, how about everyday for the whole week? You may not be able to answer that. If you can, then can you keep giving the same love everyday for a month, for a year and so on? The answer is no. Most people cannot even stay at a gym for a month. People cannot even commit to a gym, how can people commit to loving someone everyday? The answer to that is to love yourself. The amount of love you give to yourself everyday is the amount of love you can give to her everyday. This is the constant love that you can give. It is the same thing with fear and insecurities. The amount of fear you give yourself everyday is the amount of worries you will give to her everyday.
Some guys answer this that they will sacrifice their happiness for her. Let us think about how stupid this is for a few seconds. The guy is basically going to suffer just to make the girl happy. Do you think that the girl will want this? If the guy the girl loves is unhappy and suffering, the girl will suffer and become unhappy also. Not to mention that no one can commit to suffering everyday. This is just not possible psychologically. Anyway, no happy girl will go into a relationship with a guy that is suffering or in fear mode. If you are in fear mode, you are very close to suffering. No happy girl will want to trade her happiness to be unhappy with a guy that is suffering.
You need to offer her happiness and not suffering. You have to offer her love, and not fear. Love leads to a lot of joyful emotions. Fear leads to suffering.
How Do I Become More Attractive?
There is only one way to become more attractive which is to love yourself. Give yourself nice things that represent that you treat yourself well. If you give yourself nice things but you do it to manipulate her then you will not become more attractive. This is the path of fear if you do things for yourself to manipulate others. I am just going to summarize this thing.
If you love yourself and give yourself nice things then it will be attractive. If you give yourself new skills, discipline, focus, go to a school, get a better job, and material things like clothes, cars, toys, golf clubs, houses, and so on then this will make you attractive. You do not need to show it to anyone too. You do not need to show the things you gave to yourself to anybody to be more attractive. Giving yourself nice things will validate in your mind that you are worthy of love.
If you do not love yourself, you will buy things to try to manipulate the girl. You will buy clothes, cars, toys, golf clubs, houses and so on. Women can see this. Women are passive so they can see manipulation way before it ever happens. Most women have intuition. They feel and sense your insecurities from a long distance. Once they see that you are trying to manipulate them or you have this mentality that you are not good enough so you try to compensate with material things, you will repel women more.
Just to recap, if you love yourself and give yourself nice things then your attraction goes up, up, up and keeps going up. If you do not love yourself, you act due to your insecurities then even if you buy nice things, attraction will go down, down, down and more down. It is because you are not buying things for yourself but buying things to compensate for your insecurities. Women can see this way before it even happens because they have intuition.
The only way to become more attractive is to love yourself.
Fastest Way To Get The Girl You Want
The fastest way to get the girl you want is to have this core belief that “you are worthy of love”. If you have this core belief then a lot of your insecurities will vanish. The way you talk, walk and move will show confidence rather than show insecurity. The best way to have this core belief is to first take out all your limiting and negative beliefs about yourself. Go meditate and go into your childhood. Relive your hurtful experiences over and over until they no longer bother you. Just take them out. I gave a couple of ways you can do this. Hopefully, one of these meditation or processes will work for you. If they do not work, you need to relive those painful memories over and over until they are out of your system.
Once these negative beliefs are out of your system. You can add new beliefs by affirmations, current experiences of loving yourself, loving your time, loving your life, and so on. You can start loving your life, loving yourself, and actually believe that this is who you are now. The old you who is very insecure is gone.
If Nick Vujicic Has No Arms And No Legs But
If Nick has no arms and no legs but has a beautiful wife and 2 kids, you can do so much more. Believe that you are worthy of love because you are. You are worthy of unconditional love. He is the living proof that what is inside of you is far more important than what is outside of you.
Thoughts Become Your Reality – You Are Infinite
Core Beliefs Create New Beliefs
Your core beliefs create new beliefs. I’ve talked about this before. If you have this core belief that you are not good enough, this core belief will create other beliefs like lack of self confidence, lack of self esteem, you are not worthy of love, no one will love you, you do not have a good body, you do not have anything to offer, your life sucks, and so on. These beliefs will be inside of you then they will reflect the outside. The outside will reinforce these beliefs inside of you like in the spiral of fear that I talked about.
If you have the core belief that “you are worthy of love” then this will create other beliefs like self confidence, loving your life, loving your self, you are lovable, women love you, you have lots to offer, your body looks good, you look good, and so on.
Like I said before, it is a choice to suffer. You chose to suffer. There are other paths to getting the girl you want but you chose to the path that leads to a lot of suffering. It is time you choose something differently. The more you love yourself, the more people will love you. What is inside of you will always reflect the outside. People will agree to who you believe to be.
Remember that you are infinite and powerful. Today, you might be the most insecure person in the world. Tomorrow, you may turn into the most confident person in the world. You can become anything. If you let go of the sad bs story that you tell yourself, and start writing the story of your life where you are the protagonist or main character then anything you want in your life will become possible.