Remember the moment when

Remember the moment when

Remember the moment when we realized we were in love? We knew it would be hard, and it would be tough but we also knew we could not go back to the way we used to be. We were just two cursed, and dejected human beings who realized the beautiful imperfections within us. We fall too fast, we feel too much, and we love without boundaries. We get hurt, and the damages that was done never fully heals. They become scars, trophies, and monuments to symbolize how much hurt we’ve been through. We could be gentle like the morning sun that penetrates through the glass window, the soft mist that touches someone’s cheeks, or that morning dew that lingers on the smooth petals of a rose. But we were too fragile like a newborn baby, still blissfully ignorant of the world. Any type of pain would feel new and would cut so deep. We knew most people would never understand us, we were hard to deal with, and we shut ourselves so easily. Still, our hearts were always pure, always loving, always thinking of others even though we were unapproachable and seem cold at times.

Deep inside our hearts, we both knew we belong together. No one will understand you the way that I do. No one will love me more than the way that you do. No one will kiss you slowly and passionately, the way that I do. No one would look at me so purely and so kindly, the way that you do. You give me courage to go for the things that I want and I give you strength to fight on when you are weak. I became your strength, you became my weakness, the one person that I would give up everything for.

We were loving and caring people and yet we were a little twisted inside. Like everyone else, we both just want to be happy as well. The moment we fell in love, we knew in that moment, it will be hard, it will be tough but we also knew it would be worth it. In that moment we knew that you were born just to make me happy and I was born in this world as well just to make you happy.

 

I would give up everything

I would give up everything

I would give up everything I have gained, and everything I will gain to have her back inside my arms again. But such a scene could no longer be a reality. For God needed an angel and decided to have her up in heaven. I am here, left alone to my own misery, hoping I could change the past, and create a future where she and I could be together again. All I could think about is the way we touched each other, the way we kissed, and loved one another. These thoughts have prevented me from eating, drinking, and sleeping as I stare into the blankness of space from time to time. The memories of me and her being happy in the past is what comforts me in these times but they are also what drags me to the bottom of this abyss called despair.

As I try to preoccupy myself with my work, distractions, and even alcohol, none of these ever worked for me as I know fairly well that something is missing in my life and I will no longer get that back. We were like two seeds planted next to each other on the same soil as we grew together into two trees. In time, our roots have intertwined in such a way that no one could tell them apart, our branches weaved together like threads in a fabric, and our leaves kissed each other every time the wind passed us by. We became one tree, living on the same land, the same sun, the same nutrients, and same fate or so I thought. As she was forcibly separated from me, I was left there, standing all alone. The loneliness I feel is frightening as I know full well that I can no longer experience the happiness that I once had with her. The presence of the one I love is gone forever and I am here barely living, just trying to survive and get through the day.

It is funny that I wanted so many things before like sports cars, houses, gadgets, toys, clothes, and so on just to get validation from my peers and people I know. Now, I would give up everything to have her back so I can love her again. I truly wish I could. Without her in my life, I have nothing and I don’t fear losing anything. People shouldn’t fear losing those things either. Fear that something inside you will die someday as you travel this life of yours, and all you will feel is a hole, a dark and void space filled with emptiness that is left behind.

The sad truth is that even if I had not met her, I will still miss her. There will still be a feeling deep within my soul that knows there is something absent in my world.

 

P.S. – I used this one before in this post here but I thought I should create a story behind it. I gave the story a little twist though lol

This was a scary hike

This was a scary hike

This was a scary hike. I was just looking at the scenery and taking pictures. All of a sudden, this big bear showed up. One of the scariest moments for a hiker is when a bear shows up. This bear was just looking at me. I did not want to move. I just kept looking at it too. It looked like it was going to eat me. I held my ground. I had to show the bear who is the boss on this mountain. This is my place, I am not going to let a bear intimidate me. Before I knew it, he was gone.

I actually got a picture of the bear, if anyone wants to see it. I uploaded it in my google photos.

I want to be a true friend

I want to be a true friend

 

I want to be a true friend to you while being your lover.

A friend that will be there for you whenever you need him. Even though there are places I have to be and people that need me, I am always one text away. To console you in times of distress and to give you an understanding ear that will listen to your problems are far more important to me than anything else. A friend that understands who you are and can see the tears in your eyes behind the fake smile that you have been showing to people. A friend you can be comfortable with, who thinks you are beautiful even without makeup, someone who knows your faults and yet sees them as beautiful. A best friend that will always pick your side even if you are wrong. Someone that you can call at 3AM and will listen to all the things that you have to say. I want to be that person for you, the guy that you want to talk to whenever you are excited, sad, happy, crying, or even when you feel hurt. Someone that will laugh with you while watching sitcom tv shows and will hug you while watching your favorite romantic movies. Someone that will try to solve life’s problems with you and not leave your side while you go through them. Even if all the people in your life abandon you, I will stay with you no matter what difficulties arises and sorrows that you encounter.

I want to be the best friend that will walk beside you in this life of yours. To give you a shoulder you can lean on, a hand that cares about you always, and a heart that will never forget you.

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

I love the present moment. It does not matter where I am, what I am feeling, what I am doing, or even who I am with. I always look at where I am “now” as a place I chose to be, destined to be, wanted to be, and always dreamed to be. Where I am right “now” or where I am in the present moment has always been place of power, gratefulness, and abundance.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking

It has been so long

It has been so long

It has been so long since I held your hand. I miss the way my fingers intertwine with yours as they all lock together. My fingers would trace over the softness of your skin, our palms would meet and kiss as our pulse rhythmically dance to our feelings for each other. Holding your hand may be an ordinary gesture but it is the one thing I miss the most. I miss the feeling of having a physical connection with the one I love, the tenderness and smallness of your fingers with mine, the warmth of your skin and knowing that you are near me brings me great joy.

I want you to know that I miss you always.

I can’t even imagine how much pain I would feel if I never get to hold you again. But if we ever part, then I want you to remember me as the person that never took you for granted. The person that loves even the simplest moments with you. The person that treasures his time with you always. Your presence has always been enough for me. You are the only thing in this world that ever mattered. If I can have one wish, it would be to hug you at my 100th birthday and whisper in your ear, “our love made it, we made it”.

Holding your hand might be simple and innocent but this moment with you has always been worth fighting for.

This world can be

This world can be

old couple

This world can be suffocating at times. Everyone has their own problems that they need to deal with. Sometimes our burdens are so heavy that we cannot even move, we feel stuck, cornered, unsure of everything and alone. The sun sets and darkness approaches, its cold harsh grip chokes us, the light vanishes from our eyes as we try to fall asleep and hope that tomorrow would be better. Sometimes, morning comes and we face the same problems over and over again. We try and try to crawl out of the world that we have, little by little, even if we can barely move forward. At times everything feels wrong as tears of hopelessness fall from our eyes, and we feel powerless.

I spent years of my life wondering whether the love that they talk about in the movies and books were ever real. If I will ever experience this type of love that is passionate, relentless, caring, and “happily ever after” in every sense of that phrase. In a world where people would step on your corpse to get a little higher, will drag you down to get a little ahead, a world where everyone puts more value on material possessions than the kindness in people’s hearts, I often wondered whether such a thing called love can even grow or can it even exist.

In this world, I am happy that I met you.

The moment I met you, I was no longer lonely. My world changed and it became beautiful in one single moment. I found a hand to hold when I am at the movies, I can stare at your beautiful eyes when I am in a restaurant, I have someone to hug just before I go to sleep, and I have someone to kiss after I wake up from sleeping. Out of 7 billion people on this Earth, I found someone that is willing to share her happiness with me, took shelter in my arms in times of her sadness, explore this world that she lives in while holding my hand, and experience every day of her life with me by her side. If that is not fairy tale love that they talked about in stories then I do not know what is.

Even now, as we grow old together and our time on this planet gets shorter, I still feel like the luckiest guy in the world for having spent the majority of my life with you in it.

 

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

The most courageous things I have ever done in my life were not dangerous, not amazing, anyone can do them, and they may not even be acts at all. They are just moments in stillness, battling thoughts that tell me “I can’t”, “I won’t”, “it is impossible”, “too hard”, “too painful”, “not worth it” and “I am not worthy”.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking

You shouldn’t fall in love with me

You shouldn’t fall in love with me

You shouldn’t fall in love with me. I will love you, that much I know. I will give you roses, chocolates, and random gifts just because I always want to see you smile. I will take you to restaurants. They will not be fancy nor expensive but they will have delicious foods that you will love. I know you will love them because I know you and I am always thinking of you. I will kiss you always at your forehead, or your nose or your cheeks or some random part of you face just because I missed you and I wanted you to know that I missed you.  I will always encourage you to do the things that makes you happy. I will try to understand your actions and circumstances even though I will get mad at you sometimes. I want to understand you more just because I want to get to know you better. I will always going to be there for you whenever you need me even though I am very busy because I want to be a good lover to you.

But you shouldn’t fall in love with me.

When I become the pillar that you always rely on, the person you trust the most, the one that holds you up when you are weak, then in that moment, I will leave you. I will leave you all alone, with no one to talk to, no one to rely on, and I will pull and separate every part of myself away from you. I will leave you falling into the abyss, into the dark corners of your mind, where nothing but the shadows of your thoughts linger. You will wonder where it all went wrong. As you look into the past, you will realize that the happiness we shared was only a memory now and the moments we shared will never happen again. The dreams that we have where we will share our time together and build something together are gone. I destroyed them without even blinking. When your life is falling apart, your world seems to be filled with misery, and everything is not working your way, then you will wonder if there was something you could have done and if there is something you can do to get everything back. As these thoughts proliferate all over your mind, you will find no answers.

Then one day, you will realize that it was not your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Somethings are just not meant to be.

 

I like this

I like this

I like this instagram feed by Jess Wandering also. I think they are a group of travelers because they have the same pictures and they promote each other also. I need to form my own group one day. Maybe I could just join one also so that I do not need to lead. I can just hang back and take pictures. This girl has skills though. She is a hiker, photographer, swimmer, and climber. Climbers that I met are fearless. I see a cliff and I tell everyone that I am not going there. Climbers probably look at me like “don’t be such a weakling” lol. Whenever I look down, there is some sort of vertigo that I experience. If I stare downward long enough or like 10 seconds. If I don’t stare, everything is fine lol.

I need climbing, swimming, diving, and sky diving skills lol. I still have a lot to learn. I need photography skills too. If you look at this picture, it is very clear or has a lot of detail. If I look at the original picture, it is amazing how much detail it has. For now, my plans just include hiking and taking pictures of NJ, PA, Catskill, Adirondack, NH, Maine, Virginia and Tennessee. The area around NY is my practice area. I need lots of leg strength. I need to work on my legs more. My vision is different also. My vision requires a lot of training, leg strength and skills.

Women like Jess and Sara Underwood, they love to take pictures. They are going to be women that drag guys along. They are more likely to say “we need to go there, we need to go here and so forth to take pictures”. Most women, I have to worry about them whether they are too tired, the sun is going down, they are scared of the dark, and such. Women like Jess and Sara, in my experience, they will drag you to adventurous places. They will be like “we need to go here for pictures, I don’t care, we must do this”. They are so much easier to work with lol. Women that know what they want are so much more fun. I need to create my own group or find one for myself. But for now, I have a lot of work to do. I need more money. I want freedom more than I want to travel.

I really do not know what my future is going to be like. It is more likely that I will travel to one state and stay there for 1 month. I will take all the pictures that I need then move on to another state. I will most likely rent a sublet or rent a room for 1 month from state to state. I really do not know what is going to happen. I need to stay in a place that serves as a home base also because I need to learn to dive, swim better, sky dive, climb, workout and learn new skills. I need money to buy a house. If I have the money then which state should I buy the house. Oregon looks like a good place. If I factor in dating, relationships and girlfriend then my future becomes very confusing. I don’t know what will happen in my future. I just have goals in mind and these goals have too much freedom. All the girls I know are very grounded. Maybe staying in a house, reading and writing books isn’t so bad also. It gets confusing so I just take it one day at a time and see what happens.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

There are so many beautiful places that I have not visited yet and I am not sure I will ever see everything in my lifetime. I want to see them all. I want to see, feel, touch, and experience everything. But at the same time, I am happy that I eat plenty of delicious foods everyday and I have a comfortable bed to sleep on at night. I have a nice stream of income that goes my way to spend with whatever I want. I am happy that my body is very healthy, my mind is functioning very well and my emotions are very positive.

There is something beautiful about pursuing the things that you do not have and something magical about wanting the things that you already have.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking