Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 179 hike

I walked on this old familiar road with a new sense of awe and wonder as the afternoon sun dispensed its yellowish rays to the ever changing colors of the trees around me. The shadows and light intermingle as the leaves dance to the rhythm of the wind. I felt a great sense of appreciation that I was a part of this hike that crossed over mountains, cliffs, waterfalls, forests and allowed others to create friendly connections.

Yet there was a part of me that wished that you would be at the end of this road. I was longing for a moment where I could see you smile, I could touch your hands, and kiss your lips again. It is sad that there are only memories left between you and me, where days passed me by without being able to touch you again. I know you miss me and I miss you too. We were two lovers swimming in an ocean full of love, yet here we are now, drowning in our own loneliness, longing for the past that we could never get back. Desperate to breath, desperate to swim ashore, desperate to get our lives back again. We both know that our love is like air, it is what we need to breath, it is what we need to live.

So I walked on this old familiar road wishing you would be at the end where I could see you smile, touch your hands and kiss your lips again.

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 354 landscape

The trees swayed back and forth along the song of the wind as my tired legs found relief, dangling along the edge of this white mountain. The wind carried the scent of Autumn, telling the trees to bloom and explode in vibrant colors. “I shouldn’t be here”, I thought to myself. My group just left, and I should be with them but in this moment, I was mesmerized by the trees that were in front of me. I could not move, I could not think, I could only do what was asked of me which was to fall in love with the world around me.

Fragments of my memory began to resurface… I held her hand, I touched her cheeks, and I told her “she should not fall in love with me”. I should not fall in love with her either. We were star-crossed lovers that should not hold hands, should not kiss, should not meet, and shouldn’t fall in love. But we already fell before the first touch, before the first words were spoken, and even before we were first introduced with each other. There was a time when I miss her right before I sleep at night, I miss her right before I was about to eat, I miss her everyday, in every moment, and in every scenario imaginable. We were in love for such a brief amount of time and yet the pain remained for what seemed like an eternity.

In our lifetime, there are things we shouldn’t do but we do them anyway. What can I do? I could not help myself. I was already in love way before I could stop myself.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 332 Autumn

There are so many things I can be grateful for and appreciate in this hike.

The first one is definitely the drivers. There was a lack of drivers. There were too many people that want to go to the hike and not enough drivers. I asked a couple of people if they could make it and a lot could not make it. Suddenly, in one day, a lot of drivers showed up. A friend of mine that I asked said he could go also. All of a sudden, there was an influx of drivers that there were a lot of open spots. There was an abundance of cars going to the hike.

The second one is the weather. The weather forecast was rain then cloudy. Really depressing weather. It will be hard to enjoy the hike, fall foliage colors, and scenery with gloomy weather. A couple of people messaged me that it is going to rain and some think that I should cancel or reschedule. I just joked around and said that they should expect blue sky and clouds for the hike. I said that I can control the weather and they should expect good weather. The weather turned out really perfect for the hike. It was drizzle with fog in the morning and blue skies around 1 PM. When we got to the viewpoints, it was sunny and a great way to enjoy the scenery.

When we started the hike, the drizzle stopped. But it was enough to create a waterfall. The waterfall was supposed to be dry, it was supposed to be hugging or clinging on to the rocks. We cannot even call it a waterfall because the season this year was very dry. It was flowing in the spring but waterfall tends to dry up in the fall. Since there was rain in the evening, and drizzle in the morning, we have waterfall in the hike. It wasn’t as good as it is in spring like maybe 20% but at least it still looks like a waterfall. People can actually see water falling down. Weather was really great for the waterfall. It is because there was waterfall, we were able to do a little bit of adventure and go to the bottom.

It was because it was cool, and cloudy in the morning that people did not become dehydrated in the middle of the hike. If the day was full sunny and clear, a lot of people would be very thirsty because it was hot. A lot of people enjoyed the hike because the weather was not hot. It was half cool and half hot. It was perfect.

According to one of my enlightenment teachers, the hurricanes, earthquakes and natural disasters are caused by negative emotions like anger, violence, and so on. If we want to change the weather to sunny and blue skies then we send it love and peace. When we send love and peace, positive emotions nullifies the chaos and negativity of the weather. I told the people in the hike to watch the song of the Beatles which is all we need is love. I thought it was worth a try. I don’t know if I believe my teacher but it was supposed to be rainy and cloudy then it turned into a great weather. I may try it again in the future. It cannot hurt lol

The one thing that I was really really grateful for and appreciate was the blueberry leaves. The leaves were at the peak of their colors. They were vibrant and alive. It was red, pinkish, and vibrantly alive. This peak only lasts for 3 or 4 days. I went to this hike on Tuesday again and the leaves look dry and dead already. So let us think about that for one second. Out of 365 days in a year, we were at the perfect time and perfect place for these blueberry leaves to be at their most beautiful state in colors. The leaves were still alive that they are not falling off the branches yet. What are the chances of really really beautiful red garden to walk on in a Saturday. It is like nature was showing off its beauty just for our hike. I try to appreciate these little things that happen in my life.

In enlightenment concepts, they say that if you live in your heart space, free of the ego, no superiority/inferiority then you will notice all these things. It is because your heart will be open. You will appreciate the world more. They call these coincidences or events, “synchronicity”. It is when you find that perfect parking the moment you arrive at your destination. Synchronicity is when everything falls into place, or when fate gives you a helping hand. Some people call these synchronizations, and some call them “miracles”.

Edit: There was this group of Asians in there too. They were twice the size of our group. Our group was big too, we had 28 people. So they most likely have 50+ or 60+ people. I was actually thinking it will be a problem because the trails were very small. I really don’t want our group to share the view points, lunch spot, and all the spots with 50+ people. It will be too cramped and it will not be fun. But luckily, the other Asian group went backwards. They did the hike in reverse. I don’t know why they did it like that but we were so lucky they did.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 220 landscapes

Looking at this landscape, it is astonishing how everything works well together. Shades of orange, red, pink, yellow and green could be found and yet they all work together to create something beautiful. The trees are very different too. Some are shaped in a cone, some are more triangular, some are too far to see and look like dots, and yet they all look well together. The mountains are very different too with their shapes, sizes and amount of colorful trees that they have. If I look above, the clouds dance in perfect harmony with the blue sky. All I could see is beauty. I do not judge, and I do not see ugliness even on the trees that no longer have leaves.

There are times when I want to find beauty in others the way I find beauty in nature. Everyone is different, everyone has their own goals, their own motives, their own minds and their own beliefs. I try to visualize everyone as mountains, trees, clouds, and so on. So I cannot say this tree is too thin, this mountain is too fat, this cloud is shaped the wrong way, and everyone I see is ugly. Everyone is trying to survive the winter, everyone is trying to change, trying to be happier and suffer less. I just hope I can accept enough about who I am, I can accept my flaws, that I can accept others as well and not judge them. I have come to realize that how well I treat myself is how well I will treat others. So everyday, I try to love my time, love my life, and love all of my weaknesses, so that one day, I have nothing but acceptance for others, and in that same day, I will have nothing but acceptance for myself.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 165 outdoor

I placed my left hand on a tiny outcrop, gripping it with all my might. The stone was hard, coarse, and hot due to the summer sun. Still, I dare not let go of it. It is true, I could be at home right now, drinking a cold beverage, watching the television, and enjoying the air conditioner. But I chose to be at this place, where I can feel the wind breathing life into me, the rocks that are tempting me to conquer, and where I could feel alive instead of watching my life pass me by. I placed my foot below the other, trying to step down all the way to the crevices, and there was no reward there other than satisfying my curiosity.

These were the days where I feel like I am living rather than day dreaming about what I am going to do with my life. Nature allowed me to step out of the ordinary, out of the routine, out of boredom, and into something amazing. For all those moments where I shed bits and pieces of my ego, shed my delusions of self-importance, where I plan my days to give and receive love, and for all the moments when nature has healed my soul, I am forever grateful.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 323 landscape

The scent of dying flowers, withered leaves, and the scent of change masked its way towards my soul. In here, these leaves will die, and in here, new leaves will be reborn again. Change is a part of life, I tell that excuse to myself over and over, hoping everything would be easier. There are moments when I do not want to change because change means that I have to leave you. I never knew that my world can be filled with so much happiness before I met you, and I never knew that my world can be filled with so much loneliness whenever I think of parting with you. But I know that this is our destiny, our love was no meant to last forever. If I could make it last for eternity, I would.

I became so selfish, haven’t I? Wishing I could have you forever. Hoping I could live this life with you by my side till our skin becomes wrinkled, and our hair becomes white. I could live in the warmth of your hands, the gentle way your eyes look at me, and the way you think of me always. I could live happily just knowing that you love me. Why must our story become so sad? Why must our story end in such a way? I wish I can erase your memory so you will forget me, so you will never cry missing me, and so you will be happy with another person. I love you and I miss you already. But I know one day, in one moment, in one blink of an eye, I will make everything right again. You will love me, and I will love you, and we will be free to love each other for the rest of our days.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 43.jpg

It is the time of the season again where the trees are about to shed their leaves, the scent of pumpkin coffee permeates, people wearing their knitted sweaters, scarves, and where brown leaves cover the sidewalks. I could smell the change in the air, feel its presence in the cold autumn air, see the changes in all the people I meet, and taste the sweet bitterness of the shedding of the old in preparation for winter. Autumn has always been beautiful. It is when the trees shed away their leaves and they do it in a romantic, beautiful and artistic way. It is beautiful the way trees let go of all the things they no longer need even at the cost of their beauty as they look barren, lifeless, and desolate in the winter. They let go without hesitation, remorse and regret.

I want to let go of all the things I no longer need as well. Attachments I have for material things, people, stuff I have created, beliefs, emotions, pain, fears and experiences, I want to let go of all things that no longer serve me. I want to see the world in a new, fresh and different way. I want to always change, always feel freedom, always feel love, and I want to be free of anything that chains me or prevents me from flying. I want to live my life the way trees live theirs. I just want to live as I am, free of judgment, free of worries, free to become whoever I choose to be, love whoever my heart desires, and to be free to just be me.

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 295 mountains

Above all else, I choose to love, I choose to love this world that I live in, I choose to love the people that live in it, I choose to love whoever I want to be with and I choose to love my freedom as well. In my heart of hearts, I know that I was born in this world to be free, to do anything and everything I ever want. Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? We were adventurers, explorers, seekers, and we never stopped being this way. We always want to experience new things, eat new foods, feel new sensations, feel different kinds of emotions, see new beauty, gain new knowledge, be free to be who we are and being who we are will always make us happy. The world did not like our happiness, so they put everyone in a box, put everyone behind bars of guilt and shame. But once in a while whenever we sleep, we dream of flying, and once in a while we stare into a blank space, daydreaming of experiencing new things, because even if the world denies us, and even if we deny ourselves, we still cannot change the fact that we were born in this world to be free.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 250 nature

I spent my time on this beautiful afternoon admiring the beautiful world I have stumbled upon. I felt the strong and smooth ledge I was sitting on, the cool breeze passing by, sending its joyful messages along my skin, and the gentle light of the sun lighting up the world I was looking into. The trees glow in perfection, the river was in harmony with the mountains surrounding it, and the clouds hover over everything creating a very picturesque landscape. Love was in the air, and loving this landscape was easy, and it reminded me of how easy it was when I fell in love with you.

There were times when I wanted to believe that loving you was all I needed, you loving me was all we will ever need, and that everything else will fall into place. But there were fears in my heart, I have grown attached to certain emotions, things, way of life and feared losing them. There were fears in your heart as well. We lived with those fears everyday until we chose to close our hearts, chose to distance ourselves, and chose to separate. In my heart, I still wish for your happiness, even if that happiness is never going to be with me.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 297 hike

The morning sun shone brightly at the clear blue lake. The stillness of the lake was inspiring but soon to be interrupted by the cool breeze of the gentle wind. I sat on a cold hard edge of a rock, hoping for the same stillness to be inside of me- to be free of troubles, to be free of worries, to be free of uncertainty and for only love and courage to remain. There is beauty in the silence, beauty in the stillness, and beauty in the solitude that nature brings. In the midst of turbulence, chaos, and fighting all over the world, I am glad there are still places where it reminds me that everything is good, peaceful, and well in my life. It is in stillness where I find beauty, peace, sanctuary and where I know I am bigger, better and stronger than any obstacle that I will face.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 107 hike

“I used to believe that if I had to relive my life over, I would not change anything. All experiences whether they are positive or negative are meant to help me grow, help me expand, and make me a better person. Looking at the rest of my days, I still feel so young, so full of energy, and so full of life. If I had to make a change, I should do it now. So I choose to live more, get out of my comfort zone more, take more risks, dare myself to face my fears by daring myself to make more mistakes in my life. I am going to spend more of my time kissing a girl, holding her and hugging her, spending more time on dinner dates, walks in the parks, and trying to make her happy. If my heart gets broken or her heart gets broken, then it was not meant to be. I will get out more, write more, and enjoy more moments in my life rather than working more. I will maximize all available opportunities whether they are in terms of making money, romance, or expanding my mind. I will eat more chocolates, sleep more on the dirt on a camp site, or hanging on a hammock between trees. I will cook more, eat more foods that I like, and cook more for others. I am going to make more terrible foods, and experiment more. I am going to enjoy my life more, see where each road leads, take more risks, move from one amazing moment to another, jump from one beautiful experience to the next, and I am not going to stop. I am going to take this life of mine to the next level and become more amazing, give myself more happiness, and give myself more freedom against fear.”

 


 

A long time ago, there was this show called Seinfeld. I don’t watch it all the time but was lucky enough to watch the show of “Opposite George“. George did everything the opposite of what he would normally do and his life turned for the better. I was just thinking what should I do with my life to make it more enjoyable, more courageous, expand more, experience more, and basically make my life more amazing. I figured it out. I’ve been trying to protect my smile lately. I am always smiling when I talk to someone and whenever I do things I love. I am trying to protect the new found peace, happiness, freedom and wisdom that I have gained. It is nice right now. I think it is limiting me. So I am going to do the opposite.

I am going to dare myself to make more mistakes in my life. I will try to look more foolish, more inexperienced, and more unprofessional by taking more risks or getting out of my comfort zone more. I think I live too much in the future. Always worried, always scared, always fearful, and I always think something will go wrong in the future or someone is going to judge me fiercely. We have this fear of being judged, being shamed and feeling guilty. So I am going to dare myself to make more mistakes, look more foolish, and relax more. I will loosen up more, be more flexible, less serious, and literally live more in the present moment where nothing is wrong, and everything is good in my life.

I always have this fear that I hate breaking women’s hearts, I don’t want to cause any pain to anyone, and I have this fear that I am very busy and barely anytime for other things, so the solution is to date more. I am going to take more chances in dating. I work, work, work and do not do enough creativity or things I love to do so I am going to write more. I am going to eat more chocolates. It has lots of calories but I love it so I am going to eat more. I will create more problems and troubles in my life rather than living or thinking of these problems in my head. I will break more bones, create more scars in my body, and I will laugh at how I got all of these due to crazyness in the future. I am going to live more, create more moments, be more in the present. I am going to have more romance in my life, more kisses, more holding hands, more hugs, more cuddles, and more of everything. I am going to break more hearts by taking more chances, and trying to fall in love more. I am going to make more mistakes in my life. It sounds so crazy but it sounds so exciting. I am going to make one amazing moment after another. Jumping from one beautiful experience to another. I am not going to stop. I am just going to keep on going. I am tired of living in the future. I am just going to stay in the present.

I am going to get ready for this new version of myself. Just to make sure I don’t hurt anyone I care about and things do not get out of control. Prepare my mind to take on more experiences both the good and bad. I still have meetup anyway, I would like to finish that one first.

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 199 hikes

I hopped from one rock to another, from one ledge to the next, enjoying my time around this beautiful mountain top. The wind was fierce, clashing against my clothes and against my body. It was exhilarating. I felt the stable ground from which I stood upon, and I could smell the fresh air, devoid of any pollution on this nice September day. I looked at the viewpoint and was in awe at how beautiful this planet can be. Even after looking at such scenery, all I could say is that I miss you. As my smile faded away and my thoughts began to wander, it was then that I knew that I miss your smile, your presence, and your lips. There are days where all I could think about is you. Where every rock, plant, and scenery reminds me of you. I love you. I don’t know how it happened. I don’t know when it happened. I just know I love you. I love you without pride, without judgment, without pity, and without asking for anything in return. I love you like the trees love the sun. Your presence has always been enough. You have always been the light in my world that is filled with darkness.

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 39 hiker

I do not believe I have any talent or I am special in any way. Even my photography took me 3 years of hard work just to look like this. It is still not as good as most people’s photography. Even in hiking, I often find myself being the slowest or the last person in the event. I am not the person with the strongest legs nor the person with the largest stamina. I am often the last in my group. But my heart is bigger than my mind, bigger than my fears, bigger than my doubts and bigger than any obstacles in my way. “I am”, “I can” and “I will” are the only words my heart accepts. Everything works out well in the end, and if I just stop to think about everything in the present moment, I often smile at how amazing my life has become. I find that if you start loving your life, life starts loving you back.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 31 hike

If I look close enough at my arms, I can see a few scars here and there. They were caused by hiking into trees, into bushes, climbing a side of a mountain, into unmarked trails and paths that no one has ever thought of doing. These scars are like trophies signifying how I lived my life in accordance to my own decisions, to do what makes me happy, to live, and to be free. On this day, I looked out to the world with determination, with fire in my heart that could not be extinguished, like the raging force of a storm, unhindered, incomparable, and undeniable. There is no fear in my heart for I am fearless. For the fearless, life becomes infinite and limitless. It is because I always thought that I am the author of my life, I can write a boring tale or an adventurous one. To love without fear, to trust myself even in impossible situations, to be gentle and kind, to know compassion, to be less judgmental, to have peace and to be happy. Those are the characteristics that the main character of this book called “my life” will have.

I am not a product of my circumstance. I chose who I am, who I become, and chose to be the man that is created through my own decisions and not by the world.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 136 hiking

The grass swayed back and forth as the wind gently caressed my skin. I placed my hand on the rough soil covered stone, brushed away some of the dirt aside while trying to see if it was stable enough to hold my body. I sat and stretched out my legs, trying to get as comfortable as I could be. On this moment, I could taste the leafy world, and smell its greenish scent commanding my senses to pay attention to the world surrounding me. These are moments of tranquility in my life where I don’t need to become anyone, don’t need prove myself, and I don’t need to be good at anything at all. We spend the majority of our lives trying to change, trying to become good enough, and trying to become somebody we are not. In these moments of peace, the answer is there all along. We are stronger than who we think we are. Life can get tough at times but we are very tough as well. We become a little better each day, a little wiser, gain a little bit more skill, and we trust ourselves a little bit more. If there is one thing I learned is that I have been fighting since I was born, if I look into a mirror, I don’t see a man, I see warrior who has been through a lot. So I just try to be more patient with myself, enjoy and trust in my journey. After all, the journey has become so awesome and so beautiful that I cannot help but enjoy every moment of it.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 25 hiking

A drop of sweat ran down my cheek and dripped off at the bottom of my chin. The sweat dropped near my right hand, and made a tiny spot in the steep slope darker. My eyes shifted downward and saw the ground about 15 feet below me. I was hugging a wall of rocks as if my life depended on it. A few people have died in this place after all. I went to a steep part of the trail and perhaps it was not the wisest thing I could have done. I tried to keep my cool as one wrong step could mean severe injuries to my bones and legs. I looked up and saw that a small outcrop that my left hand could grip. I grabbed it and lifted my left foot to a higher spot and in one big motion, I was free and at the top.

I packed my hiking sticks, strapped them in my bag, and looked at the viewpoint. I looked at the flags and the people that were there. It was hard to believe that I was way down there a few minutes ago. Now I am up above everyone, catching my breath and enjoying the wind. I am going to miss this place as it is going to close this year. Perhaps I will find other ways to let my adrenaline surge through my body. Everything moves, does not stay the same, and it sucks I have to say goodbye to an amazing hiking trail.

Just like everything, my life also often changes which is why I often tell women they should not fall in love with me. There are better and more suitable guys out there. My heart is always seeking adventure, always seeking new experiences, always wanting to explore, wanting to take myself to new heights, new views, and new sensations. I have an appetite for life that could not be quenched. Being grounded, staying still, and watching time pass by are not things I have luxury for. I am always preparing, always in the hunt, and always ready for a new adventure. There are often times in my life where I am sad because I know that as I improve my inner and outer world, there will come a time when I will leave everyone behind.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 215 hiking

The sun’s rays penetrated through the holes of the grayish clouds hovering above me. A soft whitish light shimmered patches of the forest, the trees glistened like sparkling green emeralds, yellow citrines, and colorful rhinestones in a jewelry box. Nature seems to never stop, never end, and always being mysterious. In times of beauty and peace, I often remember you. My love for you knows no boundaries, knows no end, always willing, and always loving. I am always thinking of your well being, always willing to walk through mountains to get to you, knows no end to how much I could love you, and always happy whenever I see you smile. Like the timeless beauty of this landscape, I love you with all my heart, always will, never will I stop, even in the end of time.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

imagine loving life 189 hiking

The fog clings to the distant trees like a big white spider web coveting the distant lands in front of me. The silver lake compliments the beautiful colors that the trees have adorned on this late September morning. Here I am, at the vast and timeless beauty of nature, yet all I could think about is you. I miss the way our hands cling to each other, the way our lips lock together as we both close our eyes to savor the moment, and the way we laugh at the silliest of things. This day would be perfect if you are sitting next to me, holding my hand, while I am telling you that, “you are far more beautiful than anyone or anything I have ever seen.”

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

I always love seeing the clouds whenever I go hiking. They are so magnificent. My camera cannot fully capture the lines, intricacies, and patterns of the clouds. My camera just combines all the grayish pixels together. But it still looks good. I love it. I am still happy. Whenever I am taking pictures, I run. A lot of people are not hikers and they get nervous whenever I run. It is because they do not want me to injure myself. However, I am always careful. It is hard to ignore me though. I look so happy whenever I take pictures of landscapes. I have a lot of adrenaline coursing inside me also whenever I take pictures of landscapes. It is hard not to notice the happy guy running around, posing for pictures in front of his camera hahahaha.

A lot of the people I met are very nice. They tell me to be careful. They introduce themselves to me. I am very self absorb, judgmental and unfriendly compared to them hahahaha. I still have so much to learn in order to be less judgmental and be more open. This guy who is around 50ish years old called me “a young man” which made me so happy lol. I just smiled at him.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

Just got back from Adirondacks. I had a great time. It was beautiful even though it was not peak foliage yet. I had a lot of fun taking pictures. I have so much pictures lol

Nature or hiking can heal me. If it was the old me, I would have asked, why is life keep making me meet these women who are unavailable when all I want to do is work. I would have no answer and no power to change my world. But that is the old me, the new me asked the question, “how did I create this experience?” I sort of figured it out. It most likely started when I was new at working for myself. At that time, I had a lot of doubt and uncertainty so I promised myself no girls till I am successful. Unfortunately, this doubt turned into indecisiveness. It became some sort of game. The more I became indecisive, the more players the game brought into my life. The players were also indecisive. But last week I got frustrated as such I am no longer playing this game of indecisiveness. This game no longer exists.

This quality or character trait of indecisiveness is beneath me. Doubt, uncertainty, and fear have no place in my life. There should only be leadership qualities like decisiveness, assertiveness, courage, belief in myself, and so on. Such low quality unattractive character trait like indecisiveness has no place and does not belong within me. I think I enjoyed this game of indecisiveness for a while and it was useful a long time ago but I do not need it anymore. I do not want to see it anymore within my words, actions, and I don’t even want to see it in my thoughts. I refuse to have this type of weakness, there is only strength within me, because I only know myself to be a strong man.

Edit:

To the girl or girls from my distant past. If you are sure, I will email you. I do not offer routine nor being comfortable, if those are qualities you want, I am sure someone else is able to give them to you.