The first post about metaphysics is about lightworkers. I thought the first post I will do will be about the soul but I keep seeing this term. A lot of people have a theory about this term and they have a lot of concept about it. I just took out the things that I thought made sense and not the crazy ones hahahaha. This is long and kind of boring though. I do not know if people will get anything from it. Even people that are trying to know more about metaphysics, and enlightenment most likely will not find any useful info in this also.
I took this picture last spring. Cherry blossom festival. I just saw it while I was in google photos. I am pretty good at this photography thing hahahaha. The grandma and her grandchild were looking at the fishes. I am not sure if they were japanese koi or gold fishes but there were a lot of them in the Japanese themed pond.
You can enlarge the picture by clicking on it.
I finished this but it did not come out the way I envisioned it. I lost a lot of the points and ideas. The flow is a little bit shaky but it is good enough for now. I will rewrite it when I learn more about gratefulness. The article is in this link.
There was actually one more point or idea that I wanted to write about. It is about how to not compare yourself with others. The reasons or ideas why you should not compare yourself to a rich man to motivate yourself, compare yourself to a poor man to feel better about yourself, or compare yourself to your friends, and etc. I find that my experience with this type of gratefulness is that it is very shallow or that I am not really grateful at all. It does work but there are evils to it as well. This is based on fear and not love that is why. I will write about it someday.
I am trying to find my life’s purpose. I do not think there is one main life purpose for me. It seems to be like steps. I am trying to know more about myself. This seems to be my main goal. At least for now. I am trying to list things I am abundant with and things I am not abundant with, and things I like. I will add more as I figure them out.
Things I Am Working On Having
- My Own House
- Financial Independence
- Finding my purpose
Things I am in the middle with
- Money or Survival – I make enough for myself and for my purpose which is currently to know more about myself.
- Love – for some reason I am abundant with love. It is easy for me to connect with women.
- I find talking to women a lot better and more natural than talking to men.
- I attract people, animals and events that are beneficial to my life. I think this is the same for everyone but it is just that I am more open to it. I expect it to happen a lot.
Things I Love (I am trying to put my money making strategy or money making jobs centered around these)
- I love writing
- I love hiking
- I love working out
- I love the way my car looks hahahaha
Things I Hate
- Uncertainty of the future
Personality Traits That I Lack But Training Myself To Have Them
- Social Skills
- Verbal Communication Skills
- Surrender and Conceding
- Forgetting (I can forgive but cannot forget)
Personality Traits I am In The Middle (Sometimes Easy, Sometimes Hard)
- Letting Go
Personality Traits And Life Characteristics That I Love or Come Easy With Me
- Conquering Fear Once I Know What I Fear
- Moving Forward – no matter what happens, I move forward
- Loving My Pets
- Loving Women 🙂
Days go by so fast…. it is Valentine’s Day. If it were not for social media, I would not even know. I am just very focus lately. Trying to finish stuff.
Filipinos are big on Valentine’s day. At least, the girls that I dated lol. There are 3 days in a year that I always pay attention to and one of them is Valentine’s day if I had a girlfriend. I used to hate this day lol. I was always expected to buy flowers, plan a good date, and buy a gift or chocolate. I hated this because when I was young, I had no money hahahaha. The flowers are worth 3 times as much, it is hard to think of a gift and hard to plan restaurants. When I was young, it was just too much work. People that are married, women are a lot more forgiving. But if you are just dating or when I was dating, women that I date expect stuff.
As I got older, I ended up enjoying Valentine’s day a lot. I had to screw up a lot of Valentine’s day before I ended up liking it. It really depends on the girl. If my girlfriend is very nice, very caring and in love with me, I enjoy this day a lot. It is one of those days where she would expect me to plan a good date for us and I would be happy to oblige. It is a day she wants to feel appreciated, she wants to feel important, and she wants to feel that she matters in my life. It is one of those days that I try to treat her very well and a great day for romance. Out of all the guys in my neighborhood, friends and people I met, I am the only guy that likes to give flowers to women. For some reason women that I date love getting flowers from me so it works well. In valentine’s day, they get a nice bouquet of flowers that shows that I appreciate them a lot and I really care about them. But I give them flowers all the time but for some reason, they have to have one on this day. I do not understand the flowers on this day because I always give them flowers but for some reason they need to have one on this day. I mean, if I think about it, all her friends and all the women she knows do not get flowers at all for the year. She gets a lot but if I do not have flowers on this day, women that I date gets grumpy and disappointed lol.
For Valentine’s day, I plan it 3 weeks before. Sometimes it is just simple like a dinner with some flowers and a nice long full body massage afterwards. Sometimes I put in a gift which can take a while to figure out a good gift so 3 weeks is good. Anyway, I plan it long before the day because I realize that I do not enjoy this day if I this day gets rushed. There is no romance, nothing fun, and nothing creative that I do not get to enjoy this day if I rush it. So usually, I plan this day 3 weeks so we can both enjoy it. It is the same for the 2 other days of the year.
Anyway, I just remember the love life I used to have. Today, I have none lol. But I do not feel lonely at all. I do miss dating though or maybe I just miss having romance in my life. I think it is great when a girl loves you a lot, and you love her a lot, and you spend this day with her. Also, it is just weird and strange that I use to plan this day or put effort into it and now I do not even know that today is valentine’s day lol. Ok, I just ranted on this one lol.
This is Shin Ramyun Noodle Soup. I first tasted this when I went camping about 3 years ago. One of the girls brought some to the camping trip. This is so good. I am glad I can find it in BJs for $13.99. It has been snowing lately and this is a great noodle soup to eat when it is cold outside. It is spicy. There was too much water so I added some chili pepper and ground cayenne pepper. The spicyness is so good. One of the best things I ever discovered along with matcha green tea. It is great that I meet people from different races and different cultures. I get to learn a lot. I’ve been learning so much because I have been meeting a lot of people. Each person has some sort of influence even if I just met them for a brief moment. I need to meet more people from different cultures and learn more.
People introduce me to new foods, new recipes and new flavor. I have always been so weak when it comes to restaurants. I used to be so snobby and picky when it comes to restaurants hahaha. Whenever I eat something, I would compare it to my recipes. My recipes would always win. When I am on a date, I would be like, I paid $100 for this and I could have cooked this for $10 and both of us would have bigger portions. I am more forgiving now though because I know that the chef’s only have 20 minutes to cook while I have 1 hour or more.
Meeting new people is most likely something I need to keep doing. I need to keep learning and expanding. I need to learn more about food, other people’s cultures, more recipes and more ingredients. I need to learn more about myself as well. The more I meet people, the more I learn about myself.
This is the life that I want. A 25 year old guy is living the life that I want. He is a film maker and his specialty is creating lifestyle videos. It is a very good job. I want a life like this lol hahahaha. Water is not my specialty though. Ocean and me do not get along. There is fear inside me. I have more affinity with land and air. He has a six pack too. I want a six pack lol.
My path lately is not going in the direction of this life though. This lifestyle is not resonating with me lately. What I mean is that I am not meeting people, getting knowledge and it is not the path fate or destiny is taking me lately. Even my body does not want to move in this direction lately. However, this lifestyle is very possible and doable for me. I was researching, how much money does it take to travel the world. A lot of people can do it with 20k a year. I can do that now but I do not like to travel in poor mode lol. I like to travel where I do not mind spending money. The good news is that if I go back to the Philippines, I am financially independent hahahaha. Food there is very cheap. It is like dirt cheap. But I always think about what would happen if my family needs money or I have a girl friend and I want her to travel with me once in a while. I want to pay for her. If it is only me, I have enough. If I think about other people, I need more lol.
I think I am more attracted to the freedom that this lifestyle brings rather than the travel part or having fun. Having financial freedom brings some sort of certainty of the future and peace of mind. I do not have to work and free to follow any path I wish to go to. Although I am very grateful that I am making money, no matter how small it is. Even though I do not have this lifestyle, I am so grateful I can eat Shin Ramyun Noodle Soup and watch Westworld. I just finished that TV series. I like the story telling and everything. I did not expect to like it but I got so hooked lol.
My path is going to the path of spirituality lately and not the path of adventure. I am learning a lot about myself and a lot about people as well. I am getting new knowledge, new theories and everything seems to fall into my lap when it comes to spirituality. I am expanding in this category. The only bad part is that a lot of people that claim to be gurus or claim to know something, seem to be on the looney or crazy side hahahaha. They are crazy. Some are crooks that just want money from others and etc. Some look like they smoke too much weed hahaha. But I am learning a lot because I listen to my instincts. I am changing. I am changing or expanding into something more than I expected. It is a good thing though. Things that I hated before are now things I like. Things I am embarrassed about before are now things I am somewhat proud of and okay with. A lot of the things that make me angry before, I am now at peace with them. Things that I lack, I found gratefulness in them and thought I am lucky that I lack them. I found certainty in the future even on uncertain foundations.
Hopefully, whatever I learn are very useful in the future and hopefully whoever I become is someone amazing in the future as well.
There are times when I would go to bed happy. Times when I finished a lot of work, spent some time with friends or spent some time with family. I would smile as I prepare to go to sleep. I would hold my soft pillows, wrap myself up in a warm comforter, and slowly shut my eyes closed. I would see nothing but darkness as my mind begins to drift. It is at that boundary between half asleep and half awake that I realize I am incomplete. It is at that moment where I know I am missing something in my life. It is at that moment where I know I could be a lot happier.
In this life time of mine, I just want to spend every moment with you. I long to have you inside my arms. To wake up next to you every morning. To give you a good night kiss every night. To know the scent of your hair and to hear your laughter all the time. To be close to you more than anyone else. To be that guy that is next to you when you wake up at 2 AM. The guy that gets to hold you, to tell you to go back to sleep. The guy that will keep you safe, comfortable and warm until the morning comes. The guy that would fall asleep with you while thinking this is the life he has always wanted and dreamed of having.
– Random things I want to tell a girl someday
The kiss, the look, and the touch that the two of us gave each other were proof enough that there was something dark, mischievous, and twisted within the two of us. It was not something good, nor holy, nor an indication we were heading for a life normal people will have. It felt more like a sin. Something lustful, demanding, intoxicating and addicting. She was the source of all of my impure thoughts and all decadence within me. I was past from being saved nor do I want to be saved. I just wanted my life with her to last forever. Just savor each moment, each kiss, each touch, each time my hands hold her waist, feeling her skin from the thin veil of the fabric of her clothes, as I crave her lips more and more each time we were apart. A life with her sounds carnal, unpredictable and fiery that we will most likely burn everything to the ground. Just a glimmer of that thought boils my blood into the exact definition of excitement.
Am I out of my head? Am I out of my mind? If you only knew the bad things I like. I don’t think I can explain it….
Nights like today, are the nights where I miss you so. Nights where there is only silence, where everything stood still, as if I am the only person that exists. Nights where I feel coldness in my skin, where there is coldness in the air as I breathe it in deeply, feeling the coldness as it goes to my lips, and into my lungs. As I look at the food in my dining table, I can smell the scent of stale food, and left overs devoid of flavor and warmth. I sit in this chair, in this room alone and it feels like I have been here for eternity. As I look into the future and into the past at the corners of my mind, I see you there with me.
A scene where we are lovers and you are with me. A scene where you want to stay close to me, and I want to stay close to you. A scene where we have no barriers, no worries, and have all the freedom we want and yet we wish to stay bound to each other. A scene where I know you belong to me. Where there is no coldness, no loneliness and only warmth coming out of our skin. Where I can enjoy the taste of your lips as it presses on to mine.