I hugged her one last time

I hugged her one last time

I hugged her one last time while the taxi cab waits for her outside. I want to savor those last few seconds with her but I could not as all my thoughts seem to have traveled back to the past. I wish I have an eraser that could change those moments with her. I want to take away all of the hurtful words I have said to her. All those words that I didn’t mean whose main purpose was just to hurt her. I want to change all those times that I have hurt her and caused her pain. Maybe instead of causing her pain, I could go back in time and give her flowers instead to let her know how much I appreciate her. All those times when she needed me and yet I left her all alone. I wish I could change those and just be with her. Even if I cannot do anything, I just want to stay beside her just so she knows that she is not alone. Wipe away all those tears I have caused and replace them with moments where I made her smile. I should have complimented her more and told her how beautiful she is and how much she made my life happier. I always thought I had a lifetime to tell her those things. As all these thoughts wandered in my mind, she separated herself from me. She took her suitcase and headed to the door.

She walked out and into the taxi cab, rolled down the window and waved at me one last time to say goodbye. The taxi cab drove down the street and it got smaller and smaller till I could not see it anymore. It was in that moment that so much pain entered my heart as I realized that the girl I loved my whole life is now gone. But, I knew I had to let her go just so that someday, somewhere, somehow, we can meet each other one more time and we can start over again. When that time comes, I promise to love her more, and be the man that will give her all the love that she deserves.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

Whenever I am alone and relaxing at a viewpoint, various thoughts enter my mind. Whenever I remember a joke, I have this nice smile on my face. Whenever I think of you, I have this big goofy smile on my face.

– Random thoughts while hiking

I want one!!!

I want one!!!

I want one. I mean, there are jetskis available but it is a dirt bike on the ocean!!!! He is wearing motorcycle gear and jacket plus helmet. I get an excuse to wear motorcycle gear while on the ocean lol. I get to look cool!! Not practical but looks cool lol.

The light slowly faded

The light slowly faded

The light slowly faded as the sun sets over the horizon. I could taste the saltiness of the ocean as the cool breeze carried its scent onto us. I touched the wooden rails, as my fingers trace over its coarse, old and rough edges. The ocean waves crashed over and over on the rocks and onto the shore giving off surprisingly pleasant and relaxing sounds. Streaks of pink, red, and dark blue painted the sky but I couldn’t pay much attention to it. I could not stop staring at her. She was far more beautiful than anyone or anything that I have ever seen. The wind brushed off her hair to the side, showing off her beautiful face. In that moment, I knew I had to kiss her. I felt the jitters on my skin and the nervousness all the way to my bones but I knew I had to go for it.

I walked towards her, and I slid my arm around her waist to pull her close to me. My arm felt the smooth fabric of her clothes, the shape of her body and felt the smallness of her whole being compared to mine. My lips pressed against hers, her lips were warm and soft. In the kiss, it was as if I took a part of her soul so that I can have her forever. It started on her lips and felt it move all the way to my throat. It was like my breath was being taken away, the only way to breathe was to kiss her more. I felt it go into my heart as I felt my chest constricting like a heavy but pleasant force was pushing my chest downward. It settled in my stomach like there were fireworks that flew upwards and then exploded into vibrant beautiful colors. It was as if all the colorful butterflies that died there became alive again. I pulled back just a little to look at her. She opened her eyes, and I knew that she felt the same things as her eyes spoke louder than any words could say. She leaned in, wanting to kiss me more. It was strange, I pulled back only for a second and yet I already miss those soft lips of hers. I pulled her closer and allowed our lips and our hearts to play more with each other.

When the kiss ended, I tried to play it cool, like nothing ever happened but it was in that moment that I knew, her lips are the only lips I would want to kiss over and over again till eternity ends.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

People always say go big or go home. It is like saying go all in or go all out. If you cannot go all out then go back to your boring house. Maybe miserable people say this quote because to me, home is a good thing. Home feels good. I cannot wait to go home after a hike, take a shower, cook a meal, watch tv and sleep for a long time. Maybe I enjoy home too much, in my own solitude, away from criticism, judging eyes, and doing whatever I want to do.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking

Just when I thought

Just when I thought

Just when I thought I have seen everything in this hike, a herd of cows blocked the trail then they followed me so I had to retreat. Trapping me in a fence, between them and the highway. I read that cows kill a lot of people in the USA. I don’t know how they kill people so I decided to stay away lol.

It is such a pain to transfer videos from my phone to youtube then make a post about it on this website. I need an easier way lol. With facebook, it is so easy lol.

Remember the moment when

Remember the moment when

Remember the moment when we realized we were in love? We knew it would be hard, and it would be tough but we also knew we could not go back to the way we used to be. We were just two cursed, and dejected human beings who realized the beautiful imperfections within us. We fall too fast, we feel too much, and we love without boundaries. We get hurt, and the damages that was done never fully heals. They become scars, trophies, and monuments to symbolize how much hurt we’ve been through. We could be gentle like the morning sun that penetrates through the glass window, the soft mist that touches someone’s cheeks, or that morning dew that lingers on the smooth petals of a rose. But we were too fragile like a newborn baby, still blissfully ignorant of the world. Any type of pain would feel new and would cut so deep. We knew most people would never understand us, we were hard to deal with, and we shut ourselves so easily. Still, our hearts were always pure, always loving, always thinking of others even though we were unapproachable and seem cold at times.

Deep inside our hearts, we both knew we belong together. No one will understand you the way that I do. No one will love me more than the way that you do. No one will kiss you slowly and passionately, the way that I do. No one would look at me so purely and so kindly, the way that you do. You give me courage to go for the things that I want and I give you strength to fight on when you are weak. I became your strength, you became my weakness, the one person that I would give up everything for.

We were loving and caring people and yet we were a little twisted inside. Like everyone else, we both just want to be happy as well. The moment we fell in love, we knew in that moment, it will be hard, it will be tough but we also knew it would be worth it. In that moment we knew that you were born just to make me happy and I was born in this world as well just to make you happy.

 

I would give up everything

I would give up everything

I would give up everything I have gained, and everything I will gain to have her back inside my arms again. But such a scene could no longer be a reality. For God needed an angel and decided to have her up in heaven. I am here, left alone to my own misery, hoping I could change the past, and create a future where she and I could be together again. All I could think about is the way we touched each other, the way we kissed, and loved one another. These thoughts have prevented me from eating, drinking, and sleeping as I stare into the blankness of space from time to time. The memories of me and her being happy in the past is what comforts me in these times but they are also what drags me to the bottom of this abyss called despair.

As I try to preoccupy myself with my work, distractions, and even alcohol, none of these ever worked for me as I know fairly well that something is missing in my life and I will no longer get that back. We were like two seeds planted next to each other on the same soil as we grew together into two trees. In time, our roots have intertwined in such a way that no one could tell them apart, our branches weaved together like threads in a fabric, and our leaves kissed each other every time the wind passed us by. We became one tree, living on the same land, the same sun, the same nutrients, and same fate or so I thought. As she was forcibly separated from me, I was left there, standing all alone. The loneliness I feel is frightening as I know full well that I can no longer experience the happiness that I once had with her. The presence of the one I love is gone forever and I am here barely living, just trying to survive and get through the day.

It is funny that I wanted so many things before like sports cars, houses, gadgets, toys, clothes, and so on just to get validation from my peers and people I know. Now, I would give up everything to have her back so I can love her again. I truly wish I could. Without her in my life, I have nothing and I don’t fear losing anything. People shouldn’t fear losing those things either. Fear that something inside you will die someday as you travel this life of yours, and all you will feel is a hole, a dark and void space filled with emptiness that is left behind.

The sad truth is that even if I had not met her, I will still miss her. There will still be a feeling deep within my soul that knows there is something absent in my world.

 

P.S. – I used this one before in this post here but I thought I should create a story behind it. I gave the story a little twist though lol

This was a scary hike

This was a scary hike

This was a scary hike. I was just looking at the scenery and taking pictures. All of a sudden, this big bear showed up. One of the scariest moments for a hiker is when a bear shows up. This bear was just looking at me. I did not want to move. I just kept looking at it too. It looked like it was going to eat me. I held my ground. I had to show the bear who is the boss on this mountain. This is my place, I am not going to let a bear intimidate me. Before I knew it, he was gone.

I actually got a picture of the bear, if anyone wants to see it. I uploaded it in my google photos.

I want to be a true friend

I want to be a true friend

 

I want to be a true friend to you while being your lover.

A friend that will be there for you whenever you need him. Even though there are places I have to be and people that need me, I am always one text away. To console you in times of distress and to give you an understanding ear that will listen to your problems are far more important to me than anything else. A friend that understands who you are and can see the tears in your eyes behind the fake smile that you have been showing to people. A friend you can be comfortable with, who thinks you are beautiful even without makeup, someone who knows your faults and yet sees them as beautiful. A best friend that will always pick your side even if you are wrong. Someone that you can call at 3AM and will listen to all the things that you have to say. I want to be that person for you, the guy that you want to talk to whenever you are excited, sad, happy, crying, or even when you feel hurt. Someone that will laugh with you while watching sitcom tv shows and will hug you while watching your favorite romantic movies. Someone that will try to solve life’s problems with you and not leave your side while you go through them. Even if all the people in your life abandon you, I will stay with you no matter what difficulties arises and sorrows that you encounter.

I want to be the best friend that will walk beside you in this life of yours. To give you a shoulder you can lean on, a hand that cares about you always, and a heart that will never forget you.

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

I love the present moment. It does not matter where I am, what I am feeling, what I am doing, or even who I am with. I always look at where I am “now” as a place I chose to be, destined to be, wanted to be, and always dreamed to be. Where I am right “now” or where I am in the present moment has always been place of power, gratefulness, and abundance.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking

It has been so long

It has been so long

It has been so long since I held your hand. I miss the way my fingers intertwine with yours as they all lock together. My fingers would trace over the softness of your skin, our palms would meet and kiss as our pulse rhythmically dance to our feelings for each other. Holding your hand may be an ordinary gesture but it is the one thing I miss the most. I miss the feeling of having a physical connection with the one I love, the tenderness and smallness of your fingers with mine, the warmth of your skin and knowing that you are near me brings me great joy.

I want you to know that I miss you always.

I can’t even imagine how much pain I would feel if I never get to hold you again. But if we ever part, then I want you to remember me as the person that never took you for granted. The person that loves even the simplest moments with you. The person that treasures his time with you always. Your presence has always been enough for me. You are the only thing in this world that ever mattered. If I can have one wish, it would be to hug you at my 100th birthday and whisper in your ear, “our love made it, we made it”.

Holding your hand might be simple and innocent but this moment with you has always been worth fighting for.