I Was Browsing My Pictures

I Was Browsing My Pictures


I was browsing my pictures then I saw my nephew. They grow up so fast. He is very big now. He loves cows lol. He loves farm animals. He loves this book about farm animals also. My family loves to nurture the imagination and logic even when you are a baby lol. It is like an introduction to the world and we read stories about animals and the sounds they make. So we always give books as gifts to babies lol and we read books to the babies also lol.

So cute lol. When they are this small, they are so delicate. Was I ever this small? I wonder what I was like lol. When I was in high school, I used to ask my mother what was I like when I was a baby. She always jokes around and say that I eat my own poo. I touch my own poo and things like that lol.

I did not expect to be back

I did not expect to be back

Me:

I did not expect to be back at this place again of busy streets, old friends that I haven’t seen in a while, and where there are more cold days than I would have liked. I zipped my coat as cold winds brushed off of my face. I walk begrudgingly as more and more snow gets stuck on my boots. I hated this place. The scent of pollution coming from too many cars, the sound of noisy merchants advertising their goods, and I can taste the panic from everyone as they frantically hurry to their jobs. But I knew I had to go back to see her so I picked myself up and hurried to my friend’s party where I know she will be. I went inside the house and took off my coat. I tasted the cold pinkish drinks and they were fruity but I couldn’t care less. I am only here for her. I am here to see her and nothing else.

I still remember our childhood together. We would walk hand in hand all along the clear waters of the beach. The waters would wet our lower legs as sands would get stuck on our feet. We would walk till the sun slowly sets over the horizon. She would always say that the sky was very beautiful as shades of red, orange and blue streaks across to the never ending eternity. I would always look at her and say that she is far more beautiful like the way they do in the movies. So cliche but those moments always make her smile. I love those moments with her. I would take her home, make sure she is safe, and give her a kiss good night. She would always text me to make sure I safely arrive at my home as well. Those were the days where I was the happiest.

But I left her all alone. I told her the most painful of all things. I thought it would be the best for her and me if I just end it and deprive each other of our presence till we forget what it was like to touch each other, to talk to each other, to kiss each other, and to forget that we were ever in love.

 

As our eyes met across the room and in that instant I knew that I can meet a million women and yet she will always be the most beautiful one. I walked towards her and held her hands. They were soft, warm, but I noticed that they were also trembling. I touched her cheeks and brushed her hair aside. My heart couldn’t fly higher as she looked at me so lovingly. An overwhelming feeling inside my heart took over my whole body. In that moment I knew, I still love her so much. I never want to be apart from her again. I want to be near her always, to be there for her in times of joy and to be there for her in times of sadness. I felt so sad because I know I made her cry. I have always regretted that I caused her so much pain. Now, I want nothing more than to be the source of her happiness. The person that will always make her smile. I want to protect her smile until the end of time. As all these thoughts gather in my mind, I wanted to tell them to her but all I could say was…

“I love you”

She did not say anything. She looked into my eyes. Silent. As if she was processing everything.

She opened her lips, and said in a small and weak voice, “then don’t ever leave me”, as tears fell from her eyes.

“I won’t. I will love you forever”

 

Her:

I heard from a friend today and she said you were in town. Suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind. How can I be strong, I’ve asked…

I heard from a friend today and she said you were in town. Suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind. How can I be strong, I’ve asked…

 

There are nights where

There are nights where

There are nights where everyone is sleeping and yet here I am, wide awake, thinking of you, missing you. Nights where I cannot sleep and my thoughts came flooding in with memories of you and me. Nights where I cannot distinguish between memories and dreams. We were happy, weren’t we? I think we were and I am happy that we were. Those random kisses, random hugs, and random dinner dates seemed like they all happened just yesterday. I still remember the way you try to make me smile when I am down. The way you cheer me up when I am having a bad day. The way you tell me that you will always be beside me no matter what. You were always loving and caring.

I often wonder why did I ever let you go.

I was wrong to hurt you. I was wrong to make you cry. I was wrong to take you for granted. I miss your smiles. I miss your lips. I miss waking up next to you. I miss the way you care about me. As I move from one girl to the next, I realized that no one has ever loved me the way that you did. So here I am lying on my bed, wishing that I am the one that gets to hold you again, wishing that I am the one that gets to make you happy, and wishing that I am the one that gets to love you again. Someday I will find a way to make up for everything and make you mine again. Just so nights like this will never happen and I will get to tell you “I love you” just before we both go to sleep.

I often wonder why

I often wonder why


I often wonder why I take selfies when I am hiking and in the gym. I realized why yesterday while hiking. It is because of battery life of my phone. Whenever I take out my phone, I go for facebook. I stop myself from logging in because every time I log in, the battery life of my phone drops down by 10%. So if I have less than 50%, I do not go to facebook. I stop myself. Whenever I stop myself, I click on the camera then take a selfie for some reason lol.

By the way, I just turned 24 a month ago. So I look a little bit older now.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

We often look into pictures, into nature, into others, and into art or other people for beauty. We can see beauty all around us. We often look at other people’s creation, other people’s gifts, and things they have but we often forget to look inside of ourselves. It is true, traveling will allow you to see beautiful places, art created naturally by the Earth and art created by man, but inside you is a world far more beautiful that anything you will ever see. So always remember that you are far more beautiful than you give yourself credit for.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking

 

I was drowning

I was drowning

I was drowning with my lips pressed against hers. My chest tightened, my heart was racing and my mind went blank as all the noise circulating all over us faded. I felt a pit in my stomach that was not there before, and all the people around me seemed to vanish for an infinite amount of time. All I felt was my lips touching hers and I did not want it stop. It was as if both of our worlds collided and yet we welcomed the change. Like bathing in fire that was warm, kind, and gentle. Like drowning as I sank deeper and deeper into paradise. Like the whole world around me turned into ash, only to be reborn again in beautiful colors, all in a single second. All I knew when it ended was that there was no place I would rather be than here with a beautiful girl, wanting to kiss those soft lips of hers over and over again.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

Spending time with nature makes me more convinced that security is only an illusion. My life can either be a really boring one or an adventurous one. Both sides of the coin are not that bad honestly, and it is very hard to pick a side. I love to hike. I love mountains, hills, rivers, lakes, and nature. I love adventure. But at the same time, I want to come home and see a girl waiting for me with her beautiful smile. I want to tell her that I could take a million photographs and they could not compare to how beautiful she is to me.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking

 

It is funny

It is funny

It is funny how time passes by. It feels like it was just yesterday when I was still a kid that plays around too much. It feels like it was just yesterday when I was in high school, learning more about friendship and relationships. It feels like it was just yesterday when I was in college, trying to learn more about the world, trying to prepare to get a good job, and trying to find the path that I can take. It feels like it was just yesterday when I met you and yet here you are in front of me, more beautiful than I ever remembered.

I love you.

I love you as the person I know you are now, trusting the things that I do not yet know about you. It has been an adventurous ride and yet here I am still excited of the chance to grow together with you. I promise you that I will be the man that will love you like no one else can because you have given me more love than I ever thought possible. Out of all the days of my life, the happiest one has always been the day that I met you. I cannot wait for the rest of my life because I know I will be spending them with you.

 

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

I used to be so timid, so shy, and so bored lol. I used to just sit on a corner watching people have fun, make other people laugh, make other people sad, and basically create stories for themselves. Now sitting at a view point, I look upon those days as if they will never happen. I have always been at the center of everything. This time, I made a conscious decision to take the pen and create my own story. Story of my life.

– Random thoughts while hiking

Gentlemen Are Cool

Gentlemen Are Cool

Being a gentleman is so cool. I need to start practicing my manners, etiquette, posture, being more noble, kind and polite and etc. But first, I need to make more money lol.

Hard to be a gentleman when I am enjoying the outdoors too much. Hard to think about appearance, etiquette and manners when I am covered in dirt and sweating a lot. But from now on, I will practice more.

Also, I try not to be a gentleman in public because manners are so sexy for women for some reason lol. I am so busy I do not think I can date right now.

She always looks at me

She always looks at me

 

She always looks at me with loving eyes, full of hope and tenderness. She does not expect much from me, only to be true and loyal to her. I do not want to betray those expectations. If I can, I would love to stay with her forever. To smile with her in times of joy, to comfort her in times of sorrow. To listen to her with only understanding, compassion and love. To love her faithfully through difficulty and ease. If I can just stay with her then I would be the happiest man in the world.

But I cannot and we have to say goodbye at one point in our lives. Somewhere down the road, we will have to part forever.

Say goodbye to the soft kisses, the warm hugs, the smiles and the laughter we shared. Say goodbye to those gentle and caring eyes that knows only love for me. Say goodbye to the good times, the bad times, the times of silence, and moments I am going to spend with her. Say goodbye to everything we built, and everything we will build. Say goodbye to our dreams and to our love. Our time together is not meant to last, even though my time with her means everything to me. She means everything to me.

It is what makes these moments with her so precious. We both know that they will not last forever.

 

I took my dog

I took my dog

I took my dog for a rabies shot for 3 years. Might be his last rabies shot. My dog is 12 years old. He is very old. He has been a good companion for 12 years. I am not sure how much longer he can stay with me. The poster in the vet office says that Labradors only live for 11 years. He loves biscuits, he loves a massage, he loves to sleep near me, he loves to rest next to me when I am at the computer. I love his presence in the house.

In spirituality, they say that pets are most of the time light workers. The purpose of pets is to teach their owners how to love unconditionally and be a companion for emotional support. So people with pets are good lovers. We learned how to provide emotional support, how to love more freely, or how to love without judgments because our pets were good teachers. People often do not see the benefits of pets but the benefits are very priceless. We are more loving and more compassionate because of them. I made a post about dogs in here.

Anyway, I hope my dog teaches me more lessons for many more years to come.

Imagine Loving Life

Imagine Loving Life

I can be more honest today. I can be more compassionate today. I can be more courageous today. I can be more fearless today. I can be more loving today.
I can be anything, and I don’t need anything to become more amazing today.

 

– Random thoughts while hiking

 

I was careless

I was careless

I was careless. I let my guard down. I did not want to fall for her. I was not meant to fall for anyone. I was meant to live only for myself. Take care of only myself. Build a life that is meant only for my own satisfaction. I wanted to be strong, to have no weakness, to indulge in everything this world has to offer. So why did I have to meet her??

I love her.

I love her truly, madly, deeply. I can feel it in the depths of my soul. Whenever she cries, something breaks deep inside and pain swallows my whole being. I could not live seeing her sad nor seeing her worried. I want to give the world to her, give her happiness beyond I could ever dreamed of. I want to be a true and loyal friend to her. The type of person that will always be there for her whenever she needs me as I want my love for her to be reflected in the way I live my life. She gave me her hands to hold forever, for that I will give her a sanctuary filled with laughter, warmth, and peace. A place we could call home.

It is because I love her very much. Nothing else matters.