When I said cute puppy eyes, it was actually a joke from 3-4 years ago. I don’t know why I put it on the last post, I guess I just remembered it. At that time, I met these great men and women. They were fun to be with and helped me out. I had a strong case of social anxiety back then. It was rather hard to express myself. Anyway, I would often make these comments and I would get a response similar to “Awwwww”. Like “Awww that is nice.” I think they thought I was faking it or I am purposely doing it. Everyone I met from then on thought I’m purposely making statements that are sweet, nice, and pleasing. So people say I am doing the cute puppy eyes or something similar whenever I say something not ordinary. At that time, the way I talk was changing. At that time I realized how amazing I am, and how I meet people based on my needs.
When I was a kid, I had a good heart. I always view the world from a good point of view. I view it through understanding and that everyone is inherently good. As I hit my 20s and went into this rat race, the world or my surroundings changed. Everyone is in this rat race and everyone is trying to make money and everyone is trying to make it easier for themselves. Sometimes that means stepping on others, doing cunning and evil things and etc. It had the impression that if you are at the top, then you had all the money. When you have all the money then you can do anything and satisfy every carnal needs. Everyone has their own way of making money. Unfortunately, I was really bad at it. I don’t even know where to start. I started hating the world.
Everything changed when I heard Steve Jobs’ speech. It is like I got permission to believe in myself. When I started believing in myself, everything started changing. I realized I am amazing and I can make a lot of money on my own. I don’t need to get a job that I hate. So the kid that I used to be started merging with the adult. I was changing rapidly. My speech was changing rapidly also. When I talk, often times it comes from gratitude, appreciation and understanding. A lot of the negativity, filth and dirt that the world latched on to me was being cleansed. I realized, I do not need to play with people’s rules. I can make my own rules and live my own way. It is like listening and dancing at the rhythm of my own heart.
Last January, I met this monk. She was happy and very peaceful. It made me wonder, how can someone have so little and be so happy. I wanted to have that kind of inner peace or inner beauty. I discovered these guys/girls in youtube. They all seem so happy. They all looked like they smoked a lot of weed and have no care in the world hahahaha. Seriously, I wanted to know what these guys are smoking. How can that be? I was taught that everyone has problems, that we should not judge rich people because they have their own problems and they are most likely not happy. I am looking at these guys and girls and I sense a lot of peace and certainty coming out from them. I want that kind of inner beauty or inner peace. It is not a myth. It is real. People have it. People are enlightened. It is like they are from another planet.
I am pretty sure if I have the kind of certainty and peace that these guys have, I will not have this aura of happiness like they have. I looked into the mirror and asked myself, what would I become if I have that kind of peace and certainty. The answer is that I am going to become this fierce warrior. This courageous warrior that is not afraid of anything or anyone. I would be more like this lion, that is calm, cool and centered. But this lion, you can see in his eyes that he is powerful and not to be messed with.
Steve Jobs is correct. The dots do connect if I look at the past. Everything connects. This enlightenment made me shed a lot of external validation. Before I wanted to have a collection of cars but now that I think of it, it is going to give very little validation and a lot of work. I’m not really into cars. I still want to be rich though and have a lot of money. But a lot of the external validation that money brings like fame, people looking up to me, acknowledgement, and so on are gone. I realize that they are truly not what I wanted.
Anyway, I still want to be rich because I deserve to be rich but I am going to take the scenic route to get there. I am going to enjoy my life more, focus on the present, focus on the beauty, and etc. It is because I realized, all these rich people and people that do not have a lot of time to live, all they want to do is hike. The places that I am going to hike, I do not need a lot of money. Even if I have a lot of money right now, my life will not change much. So I may as well enjoy the present, smell the roses, and take a beautiful walk to my goals. If I look at it like this then I am so at peace, grounded, worthy, loved and whole. I feel that I am exactly where I need to be, exactly where I am supposed to be, exactly where I deserved to be and it is in this present moment which is very beautiful.
As for my love life, I think I will let fate handle it or I will let this song explain it. When it is time, then I am certain love will come into my life effortlessly. Maybe I will fall in love with a girl I used to know, maybe with a girl I hang out with or maybe a girl I have not met yet. I am going to let fate handle it and just trust my inner world. If I am happy, this girl is happy, and we want to share our happiness together then I am sure we will find each other even if we are separated by mountains, landscapes, circumstances, situations, dragons, wicked witch and so on.
-this is like an update of my life. I am trying to keep a diary of some sort of my thoughts so I can look back and see what I was thinking.