Restless tonight, reflecting on all of my mistakes.
The long cold winter nights where we stay warm, cuddling underneath the sheets. The cozy dinners with home made meals. The smell of roses fresh from the florist just to tell her I was thinking of her. Quiet moments where she tells me her insecurities, fears, and dreams. The endless hugs, sudden kisses, and holding hands without invading each other’s space. The loving look we both give to each other. I wake up, looking at her face, thinking I must have done something good to wake up happy like this. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted to take care of her… always.
The vastness of time, the unfolding future, our lives not fully realized, our potential not yet seen, and in that moment I knew we will not end up together. I held her close as if I did not want to let her go, and gave her a kiss on the lips for one last time before we said good bye. It was inevitable, we knew it would happen, and yet still did not make things easier.
I still do not know where everything went right, and where everything went wrong. But if I ever meet her in the future with wrinkles on our faces, the passage of time can be seen on our bodies, I want to be able to face her as someone she will be proud of. A strong happy man standing tall, looking sharp, passionate, smiling and a person who does not take crap from anyone, not even life, nor any man nor any girl. As someone she can proudly tell her friends, family, the world and even her current lover that we were in love once.