“I want to stay with you forever”, she whispered, as she burrows her head to my chest. She hears my heart beating, my body warm to the touch of her skin. She closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath. She always says that she loves the way I smell, she says it is like fresh sandalwood – brown, musky, warm, smooth, a little rough, and earthly kind of scent.
I sense agitation in her voice. She is holding on to what we have. She is holding on to us. I could spend all my days like today I thought. The smell of her hair is intoxicating, touching her body is like memory as my hands move on its own. Its comfort cannot be forgotten, a tingling sensation that I am home. I want to tell her that we can spend the rest of our lives like this. We can spend it caring for each other.
“We can’t. We can’t stay like this. You know that”, I murmured. I let out a deep sigh as I felt her heart sinking. I can sense her confusion, her uncertainty, conflicted with so many emotions. Regret, longing, frustration, happiness, comfort, uncertainty and so much more that she could not even say anything nor figure out which one to feel first.
“Time does not stop for us. You have your own life, I have mine. We are in two different worlds. If I can stop time, I would just to stay a little bit longer with you”, I said. Hoping to give her certainty but there is nothing. She is silent as she knows every second that passes means every second closer to saying goodbye.
I held her tight with my arms and said,
“But this is what is beautiful about us. Time does not stop, it moves and it flows. There is winter and we say goodbye. But we hold on. We hold on to each other. We fight. We fight for what we have every moment if we must. Because this is worth it. What we have is worth it. So I fight and fight and fight until I see you again, until I wrap my arms around you like this again. You are worth it. You are worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for everyday.”
– Random things I want to tell a girl someday