Sometimes when I am out in the wilderness, there is nothing but darkness at night. I am surrounded by darkness, where I could not see anything around me. My skin would feel cold, and I would feel alone with nature. I am not scared at all. There is no sound, not a single person in my sight and the light of my lantern surrounding me. I could taste the coldness in the air and smell the scent of the trees around me. I would look at the sky and there will be nothing but stars. They are beautiful. Majestic in some sort of way. Stars I would normally not see in the city. My thoughts would wander and think about the same questions over and over.
“Am I doing my life right? Am I in the right place? Am I good enough?” These are questions I could never answer. My mind would move back and forth. I will completely forget about the beautiful stars, and I will have problems staying in the present as the doubt and uncertainty fills me. I would think, “maybe, just maybe if I can just focus on who I am, what I have done in the past, and the beautiful things about me then I can see how amazing I am and how amazing my future will be.” But I could not. Sometimes I would come up with a hint. Not an answer but a hint.
Just maybe… maybe if I live my life full of love I will get the answer. Just love myself a little bit more each day. Just love my family a little bit more each day. Just love my friends a little bit more each day. Just love strangers a little bit more each day. Just love the world despite its evils and chaos just a little bit more each day. Just see each person as a human being who wants to be loved and give love in some way. Maybe I will meet a girl somewhere along this path. I would look at her and tell her that I am madly in love with her. I find her faults and dark sides beautiful. Maybe in that time I will know that I am meant to be with her, and that this is where I am meant to be. I did well with my life just the way I wanted it to be.