It was one of those cold dreary nights where the clouds prevent even the tiniest bit of light from the moon or stars to come through. She came to my place hoping for some sort of assurance that everything will be okay. I knew what she wanted to hear. She is at that line, at the mid point between thinking whether she wants to have something with me or not. I’ve been here before. She was not the first girl to have doubts. She wanted me to tell her that the future will be bright, we will be happy, everything will be easy and we will live happily ever. But I am not the nice and good guy she thinks I am.
“The guy that you believe I am does not exist”, I told her. I pinned her against a wall, held her cheek with one hand and her wrist with another. She tried to move but I wouldn’t let her. I was stronger than her. I lift her chin up and pressed my lips on to hers. They were soft to the touch. I gazed into her eyes. She looked ravishing on this night. I kissed her lips some more, they were addictive, like a drug that I could not resist.
She felt her heart racing. She was confused but all she could think about was his lips. She wants him but she wants to know he will always be there for her or he will always fight for her. For a moment, she got lost in his eyes, all that mattered was that moment. All she cared about was she was in a room with a guy she is definitely attracted to. She tried to break free from his grasp but couldn’t. She was trapped, couldn’t do anything. He was too strong for her. All of a sudden he stopped, he pulled back and separated from her. Her eyes searched for his, looking for acceptance, understanding and certainty. But there was none. He was always like that, so confusing to her. One moment, she feels so close to him, the next moment, nothing.
I pointed at the door. Walked towards it and opened it. It was an ordinary door made of wood, smooth and brownish with a hint of red. A gold tint of a door knob. A typical door you see in most apartments.
“Do you see this door? You can leave anytime. You can stay as well. You are free. You were never my prisoner. I can replace you anytime I want as well. A pretty girl could drop by at any time and I may end up picking her instead of you.”
Those words infuriated her. Anger formed, and her eyes that were so tender turned into anguish.
“Why can’t you just say that you want me to stay?!? You should just say you want me and you will never leave!!!” She screamed at him.
“You can’t tell me what to do. Do you own me? You do not. No one tells me what to do. Not you, no girl, no person, no one.”
“You know what! I do not even know why I am here!” she exclaimed.
She was mad. She was angry. She wanted to leave. Out of frustration and anger, she walked straight towards the door. He grabbed her. She tried to resist but she couldn’t. He was just too powerful.
I held her tight. She tried to struggle but I pinned both of her hands. She is beautiful even when she is mad. What has fate done with me? Giving me a beautiful girl at a time like this. I tried to kiss her lips but she turned her cheeks. She tried to break free but I held her tighter. I kissed her cheeks, then slowly went to her neck. When I felt she is no longer resisting, I regained back my senses. I pulled back and gave her some distance, gave her some space.
“Is that what you wanted to hear? Guess what? I cannot say those words. I could end up leaving any time. I do not know what will happen. You are better off with another guy, someone more compatible, someone more stable, someone who would treat you better. This guy is just not going to be me.”
He made absolutely no sense to her. But she looked into his eyes. There was pain in there. There was uncertainty. There was confusion. She realized he is in the same situation as hers. Not sure whether to hold on or be with her or not. Her anger subsided. She felt something else. She felt that she finally somewhat understood him. He is trying to protect her. He is thinking of her future. He wants her to have a good one even if it means it will not be with him.
She walked towards him. She gazed into his eyes. She loved looking at those eyes that can penetrate her soul. She put both of her arms around his neck until there was no space in between them, only the clothes that they wear.
“I love you. I want you to know I am yours,” she said. “No other guy can replace you in this entire world. I only want to be with you. So do not push me away anymore. I want to be with you always. Do not shut me out anymore.”
She kissed him.
I kissed her back.